Last Week of School // Jaeseong (SF9)

Day 1

Friday, July 13

04:00

It's four in the morning now. And I'm awake to write.

I feel horrible. How am I supposed to sleep, when the image of Inseong's pained look keeps showing up whenever I shut my eyes?

I'm crying again. Crying because I'm a coward. Crying because I break everything and mess everything up without even trying. Crying because I bring nothing good to the world.

I feel tired from crying.

Maybe I should sleep now.

16:00

Inseong didn't come to school today. Of course he didn't. He's probably traumatized. Traumatized because of me. He knew I'd be in school, so he's avoiding me.

But what he didn't know was, I also didn't go to school, because I'm avoiding him.

Youngbin came home from work, and he woke me up. My whole body felt like jelly, but I checked my temperature and I didn't have a fever.

Maybe I was too exhausted from crying and worrying and thinking and crying again. I think my brain fried, too, because I couldn't say anything except for simple "yes" or "no".

"Jaeyoon, I have a night shift tonight, you sure you'll be okay?" Youngbin asked me while he was wearing his shoes.

I nodded.

Sorry, Youngbin. My brain was too preoccupied from thinking about Inseong.

When he left, I tried watching TV, or listening to music, or just staring out through the window. But I end up with Inseong intruding my brain anyways.

I spent the past four hours just thinking about him. What was wrong with me?

But then again, I think I spent the previous six years of my life thinking about him, too. These four hours seem nothing compared.

20:00

I decide to go to the pub. I never drink. I thought it's stupid, thinking that drinking can solve all your problems and all your worries. But now, I don't have a choice.

It's my only way, my only solution, my only escape.

21:00

I've never drunk so much wine in my life. But it feels good.

At least I forgot what I was worried about an hour ago.

At least... at least I got to be happy in my dre