When In Doubt//Solangelo

Background Knowledge

I've always wanted to do something of importance in my life. I want to help people and make them happy. Seeing someone smile because of me, that's true joy. Growing up, things were great. I had my mom and my sister and that's all I ever really needed. We were a small family but a family none the less. Bianca would run around town with me and we'd play card games and every night she would sing me to sleep. Whenever she was sad i would put on some kind of performance for her and do impressions of funny people. I tried to pretend that I was one of those funny people. I want to make people laugh as much as those people made me laugh. I miss those moments with Bianca. After our mother died and we lost our house in the fire, Bia was the only thing I had left. But She started to change. She wasn't as happy a she used to be. She had such going between taking care of me and trying to finish school and keep her job. Life was so unkind to her. I started working wherever I could when I was 12. Some grocery stores hired me to bag groceries and stuff like that. I just wanted to help Bianca out with some money. We stayed in a storage building this guy in town wanted to get rid of. We bought it cheap and fixed it up a little. It didn't have running water but there were stores nearby that did.  When I was 15, Bianca got sick. She couldn't work and she was always in pain. Eventually I saved up enough money to take her to see a doctor. I thought that seeing a doctor would make everything better and we could figure our how to help Bia. Nothing could help her. It was too late, the cancer had already spread too far and within a month it would reach either her heart or her brain. That same month I got a job at the strip club down the road waiting tables. It was super illegal for them to hire me but we were all desperate. I wanted to have enough money to give Bianca a proper funeral. I couldn't do anything else for her while she was alive so I decided to try and make her as comfortable as possible in death. Her last month was hardly bearable. It's like she wasn't even there anymore. She was always stating into the distance, silent. My always energetic, fun loving, kind hearted sister. As I was getting ready for work I heard Bia call for me. "Ma nico mio Caro, you've grown up so much", I felt her eyes bore into mine as I wiped the water from her cheeks, "mom would be so proud." I could feel the tears sting my eyes but I refused to let them fall. Not yet. "Nico I need you to promise me something." I didn't know what she would have me promise. At the time I just wanted to make sure I could keep the promise. "Nico I need- I need you to do whatever it take for you to be- you to be happy. Do you understand me mio Caro? You're destined for so much, Nico. You have a kind soul and this world is in desperate need of good people. Do what it takes to make a life for yourself-" I don't know when I started to let the tears fall but now a mix of mine and Biancas tears are splashing against our intertwined hands. "- You can so this nico. Don't let anyone put out your fire or dull your spark. Do the things you wanted us to do together, I'll still be with you" I was nodding my head vigorously and I full out ugly crying. I felt the sob start in my throat and build it's way up. This couldn't be the end right? I still need my big sister, I would be completely lost without her. "Nico darling, you need to get to work. Support yourself. Don't worry about me, I'll still be here  when you get back.  I promise mio Caro." I glance up at the clock. She's right. It 6:38 and my shift starts at 7. I look a Bia and take in every part of her I can. Her big brown eyes that are still pools of emotions. Instead of seeing excitement and joy in her eyes,  I see pain and desperation. But I still see love. I still see the old Bianca. I pull on my black button up shirt and grey pants. My hair is messy but I don't have anything to help fix it so it's staying like that for tonight. As I start walking against the bitter wind all I can think about is how much I hope Bianca keeps her promise.
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Later that night I see a stripper dancing. She's so good! Most of the guys around me are completely enchanted by her. I think she dances very well but I'm straight as a circle so I'm not drooling over her. She pulls herself up on the pole and starts doing spins and moves that make my arms hurt just imagining it. She looks so pleased with herself and everyone around her seems to be enjoying the show to. She makes herself and these people happy. As her performance comes to an end all I can think about is how enchanted everyone around her was during the whole performance. That,  and all the dollar bills at her feet. For the rest of the night all I think about is that girl.
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I race home that night. I have to check on Bianca. What if she's dead? What would I do without Her? What am I going to do without her? I'm not ready. She's not ready! She's too young, too kind, too amazing to die. Not yet. Please not yet. Whatever higher power or gods listening, please not yet. These are the thoughtsgoing through my head as I run down the street. I slam my weight against the door as soon as I get to it and head straight over to Biancas place on her makeshift bed. "Hey Bia,  I'm home" I mutter quietly. She probably didn't hear me and I really don't want to disturb her if she's sleeping. I place my hand on her cheek. She's still warm. I grab her wrist and I can feel a pulse thankfully. I'm so relieved that I fall to the ground and sigh. I'm so thankful she's still here. I'm not leaving her side tonight. I don't know how long she's going to be around so I'm savoring the moment as much as I can. Thoughts of that stripper girl keep me up. How long did it take for her to learn to pole dance? How much does she usually make? Does being a stripper mean you have to have a lot of sex? So you have to be female to be a stripper? Sleep finally finds me, exhausted. My name is Nico di Angelo and this is how my story starts