Falling out of love

She didn't love you, yet, she did

You will know when someone doesn’t love you anymore. It doesn’t have to said out loud, or written about in a letter. It doesn’t have to be whispered or spoken about in a dimly lit room. You will just know.

 You’ll feel it in your stomach first. And it will rapidly spread out to every atom in your body, vibrating cold washes of heartbreak all over your bones. And then you’ll feel it in your heart and you’ll crouch down to the earth, wanting to feel close to something, to hold on to anything that you can.

 And you’ll just know.

 They don’t love you anymore.

 You should’ve seen it coming. It started so slowly, with sideways glances and awkward silences. You’ll wonder, at one point did it start? At one point did they look at you and feel a little less love? At one point did they start to doubt you and start to question everything?

 The truth about watching someone fall out of love with you, is that you’ll never get an answer to those questions. You will never fully understand it. Because it started with nothing and ended with everything.

 Once upon a time, you were in love. Everything was beautiful. When the sun shone, it reminded you of her. When flowers bloomed, you thought of her. And then, out of nowhere, she stopped trying. She stopped smiling at you when you attempting to tell a funny story. She started muttering under her breath, not letting you inside her walls. She stopped showing up. And she gave up on you.

 And now only rain reminds you of her.

 You will want to sink. You will want to drown in the ocean she created for you. You will want to blame her for not trying hard enough. And you will want to give up on loving anyone else, because you have just now realized how fragile love is. And how love can change, in just a day.

 The pain of watching someone fall out of love will never be erased from your mind. Your body will hold that grief in your bones and in your cells that like to remind you every once in a while of what you used to have. Your scars will be forever marked on your skin, and you won’t be able to wash them out.

 But, those scars will only make you stronger. Those bruises will only make you tougher. And slowly, your pain won’t seem so prominent anymore. And your pain won’t be so present.      

I do not expect many people to read this, but to those who have made it this far, I hope you enjoy this small fraction of my heart. Goodbye. -Isaac