depression

In your own head, a lot more happens then just your brain telling your body what to do. In your head lies everything all you are your memories, your fears, and your emotions. I thought I was the strongest person I knew but something inside my head just ticked and then I was different, my head was different. It was like my thought controlled me. It started with sleep my mind was telling my body I didn't need sleep and my body listened. So every night sleep becomes less and less until I was just sitting up at night looking at my reflection in the mirror that hangs in front of my bed, my face illuminated by the screen of my phone and one night I swear I saw the thing I have become smile at me...

It felt like I had control but no control at the same time, getting up for work become harder and harder and every day I thought what's the use of going to work, what's the use of anything. Every day it felt like my temper became worse and worse. I would snap like a cheap lock and go sit in the bathroom to calm down... still I would smile when I got home saying everything was fine, I was fine "It was just a busy day" and at night I would look at the girl in the mirror again...

One day I was looking at the mango in front of me and my mind whispered "Why are you eating" and I looked down at my body and guilt washed over me why was I eating I was already fat, so I got up and just tossed the mango in the green trash can next to my desk. Every day I would look at my lunch, rage, and anger as I looked at the food and my body... so I gave it away saying I ate something. Every day I would carry my lunch bag with me and just think It has to look like I'm eating my mom would freak out if she knew. At night I at my food with nausea washing over me... I had to look normal on the outside but on the inside, I was screaming, my mind was slowly tearing me apart

Until one day everything came crashing down, the wall I was trying to build up just crashed in front of the woman I used to tell everything, my mother...

"There's nothing wrong with you" That's the main thing the depression told me but I've realized something Depression kills and if it takes a pill a day to keep me alive I'm going to drink it like it's a tick tac.