monophobia|jenmin

Suicide

"suicide doesn't kill people. sadness kills them."

Flashback

"Momma! Mom? " called out for my mom.

I wanted her to come play with my trains with me.

Silent.

"Mom?" I repeat.

I walked up the stairs to my emmoas room.

It was empty but her bathroom lights were on.

I went up to the door and reached for the handle.

I failed so I knocked on the door.

It's was still silent but I heard little noises.

Quiet Cries.

I jumped and grabbed the handle as I witnessed my mom frantically pouring pills into her hands.

"Mom? What are you doing with all those medicines?"

"No need to worry Jiminie your Mom isn't feeling good and needs these."

"Why so much?" I look at the handful of red, white and blue solids.

"What is the red one for?" I ask.

"The red ones are painkillers." She replied as I looked into her red puffy eyes.

"Why? Are you hurting?" I asked concerned about my mother.

"Yes I have pain in my heart. And these will help me numb to add to all the love you give me~" her voice still shaky.

"Oh ok that's good! What about the white and blue ones?" I questions.

"The blue ones are for colds and the white ones are for sleeping so I can go to sleep warm and happy for a very long time." She softly smiled at me.

I could only nod thinking everything was okay.

She took the pills in three goes and walked over to the bed.

She pat a spot next to her as I ran and sat with her.

We both layed as I cuddled into her.

"I hope you feel better Momma~" I said cuddled.

"I will. Don't worry."

"I love you goodnight."

"I love you too sweetie. Good Night."

the next morning

"Jimin. Jimin-ah" my eyes flutter open.

"Dad?" I rub my eyes.

"Jimin get up. Momma isn't waking up."

"Where is she?!" I panick looking at the now empty space.

"She is with the doctors. What happened?"

"Mom took...pills." The realization hit me.

Momma and Dad said dont drink a lot of medicines or you will die.

Momma wanted to die.

I ran out side to her.

I pushed through all the doctors and nurses legs.

"Mom wake up! Please! Your heart shouldn't hurt anymore. Take off the blanket she's not cold!" I yelled.

"Dad! Help they won't let her wake up."

"Jimin-"

"No! No!"

"JIMIN YOUR MOM IS DEAD! GONE!"

Then it blacked out.

Pitch black.

"JIMIN SHES DEAD!"

Flashback ends

I feel someone lightly shaking me.

And a hand run through my hair then carries my check.

SHES GONE!

"NO!" I jump up and scream.

Only to see a terrified Jennie in my teary vision.

She's scared of me.

I've never screamed at her like this.

I try and apologize for yelling.

I cup her face.

But all she does is stare back at me with those wide eyes as tears stream down her face.

No smile.

Chuckle.

Nod.

Nothing.

I quickly wipe her tears and get up.

"I need some fresh air" I say as I grab my keys and walk out of my room.

Still in my sweaty tear stained state.

We both need some alone time.

So I left.