Dinner \\ Jackson Wang

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I wonder when the sound of the clock ticking became more interesting than the sound of his voice or when the warm brown of his eyes became all too dull. I don't exactly know when those supposed butterflies in your stomach tried to find their way out of your body and began choking you up in the process.

"How was dinner?" Bland, neutral, bored even since when did I speak to him like that? Did I even care anymore?

"Good."

One word answers, always. Always one worded answers.

Jackson shrugged off his suit jacket, hanging it over the dining table chair. The same dining table that once upon a time we sat together, laughed, smiled all those beautiful, innocent things. Now his embraces felt more like a cage than home. Now home was all but a cage. I wonder if he knew I could smell the flowery scent of another woman's perfume on his shirts when he did dare to pity me with those hugs. Did he ever catch the scent of another man on me?

Did I really care if he did?

"I'm going to bed." He said right on cue. Like always. I followed into the bedroom, the same old routine. Covers shifting, bed dipping as we both settled in, the space between us all too large. Lights turned off, cancelling all light. Another sleepless night filled with guilt.

"I love you." He said three little words, though I knew that the three words I wanted to say were in stark contrast to the those words he said to me but didn't mean. Maybe he did once, Maybe I did too. There were many things I could say;

Let me go.

I hate you.

Please love me.

But,

"I love you too."




a series of anecdotes. // kpop + cpopWhere stories live. Discover now