Diagnosis: Lovesickness - SpideyPool OneShot

A/N :Based on HoneyWork’s “Diagnosis:Lovesickness”. Because I’m having fun using Japanese Vocaloid songs as prompts. I used the translation from here : (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11yuuZSYSew)<br />

Besides chasing a sick Peter around with a giant syringe is so completely Deadpool. (Seriously though, watch the video and imagine Deadpool in the girl’s place, it totally works)

Yay, I got to do a lot of fun stuff in this fic. Unfortunately, it turned out a bit more... messy than I wanted it to be. I don't know, I don't like the flow. I may have to go over this. And this was supposed to be as lighthearted as the song, but I ended up adding a bit of angst...But still, I really like the stuff I put in this .

Love textbooks, Love Reference Guides.
Since I can’t get anywhere with you, I may as well read them.

Deadpool sighed and stretched. He squirmed on his bed, staring up at the dirty ceiling. He sighed again.
[Maybe we should visit him?] one of the boxes said.
<This is pathetic> the other one agreed. 
Deadpool rolled over onto his stomach and pulled a pillow over his head. ‘He doesn’t want to see me.’
[That is true]
<Especially since we found out his identity>
Yeah that had been a bit of a game-changer. He had tried to explain that he didn’t care about Spidey’s real identity, even if he was gorgeous and beautiful and way younger than he thought he’d be. By his estimates, Spidey must have been in high school when they met, a weird thought.
[He’s legal now]
‘Yeah he is.’ Deadpool mused. Spidey’s hazel eyes came to mind and Deadpool flipped back on to his back. Prettyprettypretty.
Anyway, since then, Spidey had been avoiding him more than usual, which was totally unfair. He hadn’t done anything. It’s not his fault he found out Spidey’s identity.
He made a desolate noise and rolled off the bed, hitting the floor with a thunk.
<We should do something to cheer us up>
[Like what?]
<What everyone does. Shop.>
Wade raised his head.
That could work.


~~~~~


The sky is rife with the scent of winter
I’m pretty sure my wanting to be with you is the fault of the season

Wade breathed out into the cold air, and hugged his chest.
“There, now I look like the main character in a romantic comedy.” He said to himself, pulling at his scarf and sticking his gloved hands in his pockets.
He began to hum the theme to Titanic under his breath as he joined the crowds, which, as always, was heading towards the commercial part of town.
If he was a philosopher, he might have considered how the world ran, how the crowds always converged on food and frilly things, creatures of luxury that they were. But he was Deadpool, so he ignored deeper thoughts and focused on the smell of food and coffee.
Coffee~ That would be nice. Not quite as nice as booze… But he was playing the rom com scene, so coffee it was.
He continued to hum as he crossed the street and ordered himself a drink and a caramel slice from a cafe, sitting by the window, and tried to remember all the romantic comedies he’d seen. He finished his food.
Next up…. Shopping montage.


~~~


It was funny how quickly the shop assistants’ mood changed from sceptical to welcoming after he flashed a few credit cards around.
Three hours later, and a few thousand dollars down, Deadpool strode back on the street, happily waving around his ten shopping bags and ignoring the looks from the crowd.
‘Day well spent!’ he told the boxes.
[Agreed]
He began humming again, then froze.
On the other side of the road…Was that…Spidey?
Their eyes met and the boy froze.
A second passed.
Then fear.
He could see it cloud Spidey’s eyes, and the boy wrapped his arm around the girl he was with protectively.
Deadpool coughed, then walked away. 

~~~~~


I didn’t even ask for this…life can be so unkind
Suddenly remembering that night when stars filled the sky

Deadpool was hiding under his bed.
[You can’t stay here forever]
‘Yes I can.’ Deadpool pointed out.
[It’ll be boring]
‘Shopping was a horrible idea.’
[… Yes.]
He squeezed his eyes shut. ‘He hates me.’
<Everyone hate you.>
‘He really hates me.’ Deadpool moaned.
<Everybody - forget it, we can’t talk to you while you’re in this mood.>
There was a silence.
“Even the voices in my head hate me.” Deadpool said aloud.
He crawled out from the bed. “Gun. Gun. Where’s my gun?” He grabbed the closest one and cocked it.
[You just cleaned up]
‘I thought you’d left.’
There was no reply. Deadpool sighed. The voice was right.
He crossed the room and pulled himself out of the window and onto the roof. He sighed as he surveyed the city.
“Hey.” A voice said behind him.
Deadpool cursed and almost fell off the building. “Spiderman!”
Spiderman gave him an awkward wave. “Uh, hi.”
Deadpool blinked. “Glad to see you!” he said in a falsely happy voice. “The show’s just about to begin.” He waved the gun around. “Head or chest?”
Spidey’s mask twisted in annoyance. “Neither.”
“Ooh, legs, nice choice, it’ll take a while to bleed out and everything, but less organs that way.”
“I’m not here to watch you shoot yourself, Wade.”
Deadpool blinked. “Then why are you here?”
Spiderman sighed and sat next to him. “I wanted to say sorry.”
“Sorry?” Wade was still faking innocence in that overly-joyous voice. “For what?”
“For earlier,” Spidey replied in a tone that meant that he wasn’t in the mood for games.
“Oh that,” Deadpool waved his hand. “It’s fine. It’s like the voices say. Everybody hates me.”
“I don’t … hate you.” Spidey said in an exasperated voice.
Deadpool perked up and leant over. “Ooh~. Is that a confession of love? Let’s run away together Spidey.” Even though his tone hadn’t changed, he actually did feel better. Lighter. Happy.
“You and me.” He continued, with real warmth. “Bonnie and Clyde. Thelma and Louise-”
“You do realise they all die at the end, right?”
“That’s what makes it fun!”
Spidey let out an exasperated sigh. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”
“Well, after such a touching confession of your undying love…”
“Sure.” Spidey replied, standing up. “Don’t shoot yourself okay?”
“Anything for you my love!”
Spiderman didn’t reply, instead shooting his web across to the building opposite and jumping off, heading into the traffic.
“He doesn’t hate me,” Deadpool said dreamily.