Diary, 1-16-12
Amy, my little sister, told my parents about the plan. My plan includes: a rope, a very high place, and an audience. Can you guess what it is?
If you chose suicide, then you're right.
I never wanted it to be to like this. I was a straight A student, soon-to-be valedictorian, and popular, with the hottest boys always tagging along. It rocked.
And then it all went downhill from there.
Mom remarried.
My grades dropped.
My friends hated me.
Everything turned awful.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Diary, 1-29-12
I'm in my room right now listening to my mother and Nick, my brother, fight.
"Mom, just please, please for once do what your kids want and not what some guy wants!"
"You do not, ever talk to me that way, and he isn’t just a guy"
"That’s what you think! Do you even know how he treats us when you're out?! No I don't think you do!" It sounded like nick threw something heavy.
"Nicholas Grove Downers! Your room. NOW!"
This is one of the down falls of being me. Mom was never the same after she married John. She used to be the most loving, caring mother ever.
Now she's one of the strictest parents in the world.
"Whatever mom. I'm leaving." I heard Nick open and slam the outside door.
"I just don't get that kid always disrespectin' me. I should have kicked him out with his father when I had the chance to." Mom mumbled to herself.
"Mommy!" Amy yelled, "I'm stuck!"
Thumpthumpthump
"Oh Amy where are you? See this is why you need to start picking up your room when I tell you to!"
Diary, 2-2-12
A few days passed. I’m in my counselors office, watching her watch me. I don't talk to her much but it doesn't matter though, nothing can change my chain of thought about my plan.
"So Zoey, how are things to day?"
"Well, let's see, the guy I like is dating a crack head and doesn't even know that I like him. What's up with you?" I was pissed. I hated being here. It never seemed to make a difference.
"Is she really a crack head? Or do you just not like her?" She looked amused.
"Both!" Well actually I just don't like her, but would I say that? Of course not.
"Are you sure?" Her carmel eyes boring into mine.
"Wow! Look at the time, my sessions over! Gotta go By-"
"Zoey it's only been twenty minutes, and this is a ninety minute session. Sit, now."
With a sigh of frustration I sat hoping the time would pass by fast.
Diary, 2-5-12
Do you remember the saying, ‘If it's not yours then don't touch it’? Well the Step-Freak doesn't.
I came home today from school and he had my IPod touch, and was going through my text.
"Hey!" If someone could jump to the moon, I think that he could with the height he reached.
"Zoey could you knock first?"
I was disgusted, he was standing in my room with my IPod. "I need to knock?! I need to knock? Wow. Hey mom?!" This is the last time they ever do this to me. Her sending John in here to check my things in the middle of the day. Knowing that I'd be home soon. Wow I need a chance to process this so I can understand……
"What?" She yelled up the stairs.
"What's this fish stick doing up here?" I yelled back still looking at the Step-Freak. God, would this day get worse?!
"What fish stick? No one was up there today!"
Fish stick? John mouthed at me.
Oh my god, THAT was the last straw!
"No one huh? Well John's up here going through my texts and telling me to leave the room so he could have a little privacy with my IPod touch."
"What? No one is up there Zoey. What are you talking about?"
"Nothing 'cause, you know I'm delusional and all. I'm always seeing things that aren't there...." NOT!
"Zoey, you better not be sassing me!" The tone in her voice changed from stupid clueless mom, to alpha in the group. Scary.
"Yeah 'cause you know I would never do that, mom..." I said with an eye roll.
I'm in my own world right now-it's what my counselor said to do at a time like this so I don't turn around and pick up a rock and hurl it at one of them-with my brother, sister, and father. We're at the farmers market laughing and have a good time. Nothing like family time to cure my befuddled brain. Family being, Amy, Nick, and Dad. Never ever mom though. That would be like living in Hell.
"Cough, cough" That brought me back to reality. I looked over and I see that John's staring at me.
"What? Oh, you still want me to leave? Really?" My counselor's trick? Yeah, it didn't work.... I leaned back on my heels and twist in a 180 and picked up the heavist rock, and hurled at him. It hit his forhead. The house was instantly filled with wails and screams. My moms hurled herself into my room.
"ZOEY! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" She was hysterical.
"He was in my room." I was calm and collected.
"SO YOU THREW A ROCK AT HIM?!" Amy and Nick came behind her.
"Yes." I said as John gasped for breath before letting out another ear splitting scream.
"
Mom, chill out. I think it's hillarious." Nick winked at me grinning from ear to ear.
Mom turned around and gave Nick a smack on the head. "I WILL NOT 'CHILL OUT'! MY HUSBAND'S ROLLING ON THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW WITH BLOOD GUSHING FROM HIS HEAD!" She bent down trying to get John's bleed to stop. "Amy, go get me my cell phone off the kitchen counter, okay Baby?" Mom's soothing voice got Nick and I to glance over at her with questioning looks.
Amy's trembling body told me that she didn't feel up to going by herself. I nodded my head toward Amy for Nick to see. He got the hint. "Come on Amy, I'll go with you." He held his hand out and she took it.
"Thanks, Nick." A smile played across Amy's face as they turned to go to the kitchen. I wish I could give her a hug and make everything better for her.
"Wow, could you, like, not bleed all over my carpet?" That got me icy glares. I shrugged. "What? it's hard getting blood out of the carpet..... Trust me I know.." More icy glares.
Mom tried really hard not to take her anger out on John, but it didn't really work, because every time she game me icy glares, she pushed harded on Jonh's forhead. A funny site I must say, because the way he screamed sounded like a little girl.
"Mom, try pushing a little softer you're hurting him...." She looked at me as she considered this.
"I AM, BUT YOU ARE NOT HELPING." My mom's voice went from a soft little whisper to a cry in seconds.
There's blood everywhere. I got up and ran to the bathroom looking for a towle big enough to get most it.
"Zoey! Where are you!" My mom yelled. I jumped at the sound of her voice.
"Right here! Sorry, Mom." I ran into my room with a towle and bandages.
"Mommy, Me and Nick got your phone for you!" Amy and Nick came into the room. Amy had the biggest smile on her face, like she just won a million dollars.
