Finally

Chapter 2

Now don't go thinking I'm insane and was stupid for what I did, because I had my reasons.

I was abused. Mentally, physically, and sexually. So yeah, the all three pointers.

My father was a dunk and had a hobby that was coming home late every night drunk and beating the shit out of me. He worked at a bar not to far from my house so I try and tell myself if I did too, I would probably come home drunk as well. But not every night and beat my kid. The fuck?

My mom was a sweetheart. Probably the sweetest people person you'd ever meet. I don't know why she married a shit bag like my dad. But my dad wasn't always like this. He bought me a bike for my 14th birthday because that's what I had been asking for, for like ever! But never learned how to ride it. I wanted him to teach me, but that was around the time he started drinking. It's probably still sitting in my garage, waiting for a happy girl to take a stroll on it. Too bad that ain't gonna happen.

I'll be damned if I have to go back to that house.

I'll be turning 18 here shortly and that when I can assign my own self of this hospital, and go to live on my own. Of course I'd have to get a job first, but my idea is to stick with selling my body to strangers for money.

Ha, just kidding.

Anyways, back to my perfect life and my perfect self.

Well that was the biggest lie I've ever told. I'm far from perfect. I mean I thought I was a fat ass and wanted to lose weight but was too lazy to get up an exercise, so I'd eat a shit load of food and throw it up. Another reason why I'm here. Need to work on my "self confident". Which is never going to work. I don't think I'm pretty, I hate my body. Sure I have curves and when guys hit on me they say I have a big ass and all that good stuff but I already know there just trying to get in my pants.

I don't trust anyone. So I guess I'm going to be a virgin forever. Yes I had a guy force himself upon me. As in, forcefully put his dick in my vagina. That wasn't my choice and I tried so hard to get him to stop, but there was no use. I'm not a strong person, and I was crying to hard for me to even scream. He took something from me that I can never get back but all I know is, it was not my choice so in my heart, I am a virgin.

But I don't think I'll ever have sex to be honest. I'm not the type of person somebody can fall in love with. I have a sarcastic personality, I'm stubborn as hell, and always come off rude. Plus I wouldn't want to be with a guy who would eventually end up finding everything I've been threw and the fucked up things I've done to my own skin and leave because they'd think I was crazy. Or he would end up being one of those people who would just feel pity for me and constantly telling me how sorry he was.

The LAST thing I want is somebodies pity and to tell me I'm sorry for something that happened in the past and didn't even do. I was that person who always said sorry for everything even when I did nothing wrong, so unless you want an apology out of me, you better be pretty damn special even if I did something wrong.

I've come to the realization that I will never be in love nor will anybody ever be in love with me. Love is stupid. It's an abstract and the most overly used word in the dictionary. My parents were married witch meant they were supposed to love each other unconditionally but that obviously wasn't true since they divorced only about a week before I was put in here.

It was pretty much my fault they divorced now that I think about it. I was doing my daily routine sitting on my bathroom floor, playing a sad song on my phone, while cutting my wrist up. Plus shoulders. Thighs. Stomach..

I had been having suicidal thoughts for awhile then but I wasn't quit ready to act on them but I ended up cutting a little bit to deep and wouldn't stop bleeding. I got scared, and ran to my mom begging her to take me to the hospital.

I would've drove myself but I probably would of passed out on the way. Luckily I asked her, because I passed out on the way there when she was driving. I woke up the next morning confused of my surroundings but realized what happened when I saw the stitches on my arm.

That's when
they asked me about everything and the trust came out to the random doctor sitting in front of me.

Then next thing I knew, I was assigned to go to Shadow Mountain to work my treatment and get better from my terrible addiction.