Thing I Can't Say Out Loud

Scapegoat

4/15/18 

4:11:30 

Sunday 

Ah what a shocker. I get blamed for everything that happens. Let me set this up for you. I was hungry the food wasn't ready yet. So I did the logical thing, and went to go buy food. I come back my room has water all over the fucking floor. How you may ask, well simple. My autistic brother went in my room and somehow dumped the fucking bucket of water on the floor. Funny my mom put it in my room so he wouldn't drop it, yet he still did. I just think how it's so funny that my mom thinks it's my fault. I mean yea totally logical. It's my fault because I wasn't here and I should have watched him, if I was here it wouldn't have happened. The only problems is, is that I wasn't here. But you mother, you were. So if you were the one here, you should have been the one to fucking watch him. It's somehow always my fault. Is it my fault for being the oldest? For being the only normal child? Well then I'm fucking sorry I was born. Believe me if I could time travel I would make sure I was never born. This is what, the third time you told me you wanted me to die. Well we're on the same page. Some days I wake up and just wish I wouldn't live to see another day. Sometime I think it would be easier if those two were never fucking born. Yeah that's a cruel thing to say, especially since they're autistic. But guess what I don't care. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm tired of getting blamed for everything they have fucking done. I'm tired of fucking living.