My life has been nothing but hardcore and dangerous ever since I can remember. Gangs, drugs, violence, and death were all I knew. But someone came into my life and showed me that there was a way out. I wanted that happiness. But getting to happiness...
After hiding in the dark from the police for about two hours, the police finally left the scene and I was able to go home. Home... hm. where the hell is home? Its suppose to be where the heart is, but in my life, nobody had a heart. Officer C.J was the one who made me find mines. And now she is gone. She's gone.
Walking back to my moms house was so unreal. Its like everything was in slow motion but me. There was no moon tonight but the sky was as clear as day. The stars seemed dull as well. Its like life itself was now dull. My hope for the future was now gone. But should I turn back to where I came from. No! I can't let her death be for nothing. I have to move forward.
"Bout time you bring yo bad ass home. Go make me a fuckin batch fo' I knock yo ass out." my mother slurred. Of course, she was drunk and she wanted me to make her some meth. I learned how to make it when I was 10. ever since she found out I made it, she has been using me ever since. But tonight was different. Tonight was the start of the new me. I can start by saying no.
"I ain't doin it no more." I said. She stopped in her tracks and slowly turned to look at me.
"What the fuck you say girl?"
"I said I ain't doin this shit no more, I'm done." I yelled this time. The fear inside me made me yell. I had no control over it. She slowly walked over to me and pushed me down on the couch.
"I know you ain't fucking defyin me little girl." she said as she jumped on top of me and started to wildly punch me. I blocked my face as she continued. This was not new. That's why I ain't screamin for her to stop. I just let her tire herself out. Yeah they hurt like fuck but she won't stop until she feels she is done. A minute later, she began to tire out, and her hits started getting weaker. She finally stoped and got off me.
"Don't you ever fuckin say no to me again. You worthless piece of shit. FUCK! I wish you would have died when I tried to kill you." she said walking away. That ain't new either. She always said that to me. Sadly it was true. She did try to kill me.
See, my mother was a prostitute...well she still is... but one day she forgot to take her birth control pill. When she found out she was pregnant by one of her clients, she immediately wanted an abortion, but due to her being broke, she went to a old black lady who performed them for like 50 bucks. My mom was happy when it was done, but the only thing is...I didn't die. As she continue to party and be wild, I was developing inside her. Bitch didn't even know.
I came out three months to early, and my mom cut the cord left me on the bathroom floor. My moms homegirl Trisha was the one who took me to the hospital. I was in bad shape she said. I wasn't breathing on my own, I was premature, and all that drinkin my mama did caused some damage but the doctors where able to fix me. Well when I was able to leave the hospital, Trisha brought me back here. My mom didn't want me but Trisha threatened to call the police for child neglect if she didn't take me. She and my mom were no longer friends after she did that. Everything went downhill from there.
She loves to throw it in my face each time. I got up from the couch sore as hell. She hit me extra hard this time. I went to my room and pulled off my baggy clothes on let my hair down. I have never worn it freely without a toboggan on. It felt good. I sat there thinking of C.J, her family and her poor husband. I can't imagine what he is going through right now.
Michael (Officer Jackson)
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