It's A Ride.

Chapter 1

((TW: OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE LATER IN THE CHAPTER.))

  When someone is born, they're cleaned, spanked and checked to make sure everything is working properly. The doctor checks between the infant's legs and assigns their birth based on what's there. Honestly, that's fine, but what happens when that person grows up and finds out they feel a different way? What if, slowly, they start to feel like the body they're in, doesn't match who they're meant to be? What if that startles them and makes them feel like a freak...

  "Am I a freak?" I ask aloud, looking in my reflection in the mirror. Standing there, is an averaged heighted, frightened looking person. The longer I stare at the stranger in front of me, the more alienated I feel by my own body. My hands begin to tremble slightly as my fists clench and unclench, I can feel my chest beginning to rise and fall faster than it should, it feels tight and bound in all the wrong ways. I can feel my world closing in around me and I'm suffocating on my thoughts.

  'No. Breathe. Remember the lotus.' I force myself to think past my anxiety, shutting my eyes tight and picturing the cartoon lotus, expanding in my mind as I breathe in and contracting as I breathe out. I stay like this for several moments, shuffling back into the corner of the single-person bathroom. It's hard to calm myself in this environment, the diner outside the door is so loud and crowded, maybe this wasn't the best time to do this...

  'You've put this off for almost a year now. You're doing physical damage to your body, you need to tell them.' I remind myself, rolling up my sleeves as I step towards the sink and turn the faucet on, splashing my face with cold water. I stare at the running water until the automated timer shuts it off, my hand moving from the counter to grab a paper towel and pat dry my face gently. I look at myself again, grimacing at the unshed tears glimmering in my eyes and the pinkness in my cheeks. I take another deep breath and nod at my reflection before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

  Each step created a tingling feeling that encompassed my entire body, my nerves were raging and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I skirted past a waitress with a full tray and smiled at a babbling infant in a high chair on my way back to my table. There sat my mother, older sister, older brother, younger brother and step father. They all looked at me as I sat down, pulling my napkin into my lap and fidgeting with it as I stared blankly at my untouched chicken sandwich. My mother, in her all powerful-instinctive ways, knew I was worried about something right away.

  "Is everything okay, A-" I cut her off quickly, impulse forcing me past nerves and anxiety in a matter of seconds.

  "Actually no, everything is not okay, mom. I don't think I'm a girl and it's really confusing and I don't want to be called by that name any more." I blurt out in one rushing breath, squeezing my eyes shut tguter with every word. The people around us have faded out of existence and as I open my eyes, I'm greeted with my relatives starring me down. My sister has stopped texting her friend long enough to eye me over, glancing at my mother who appeared to be trying to absorb the information.

  My older brother was starring, he didn't say or do anything else but his gaze made me feel even worse than before. My younger brother looked... Confused. I couldn't blame him, I was confused as well.

  "This is a fucking joke, right?" The words made my stomach churn, my grip tightening on my napkin, the voice belonged to my step father, he wasn't a supportive man. He controlled my mother and subsequently, the entire family. He was an abusive bastard and I had tried on numerous occasions to tell my mother how terrible he was to no avail. I swallowed hard and shook my head,not trusting my voice enough to speak at the moment. He laughed loud enough for the tables close to us to quiet down and start listening.

  'I guess he has to have some kind of attention.' I think to myself, pushing my hair from my face and lifting my gaze, I was determined to be as strong as I could be through this.

  "YOU'RE A GIRL. YOU WERE BORN WITH A VAGINA, A-" I slammed my hands down on table and stood in one fluid motion. This was my final straw. I was done.

  "MAYBE I WAS BORN WITHOUT A PENIS BECAUSE YOUR PERSONALITY TOOK THE LAST ONE, RYAN." I yell back firmly, staring him down with surprising confidence. I heard my mother suck in a quick breath of air, but figure she was a bit too surprised to react. My hands were visibly shaking by this point, I couldn't stand to be near him at all now. I grabbed my drawstring bag and my phone, zipping up my jacket quickly.

  "I'll text you if I stay at a friend's." I say coldly, turning on my heel and walking out of the silent diner. I felt eyes following me, the bell chiming as the door opened and closed, but I managed to walk away without looking back. I was fuming so I pulled my earbuds out of my pocket and plugged them into my phone, turning on Spotify and hitting shuffle play on a random playlist in my library. I shove my hands in my pockets to protect them from the cold January air as I walk. My phone was buzzing in my pocket, I pulled it out although I knew what it would be.
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From: Katie❤ (<––Older Sister)

  Hey... Mom is freaking out. What do u want me 2 do ab it?
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To: Katie❤

  I don't know or care, it isn't my issue right now.
  -Luke
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From: Katie❤

  Okay, Luke.
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  I smiled a little bit at that part, Katie had always been accepting of me, but using my preferred name without question was more than I could have hoped for. I clicked out of the thread and opened the next pending message.
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From: Asshole (<–– Stepdad)

  DONT U DARE COM BACL 2 MY HOUSE U LITTLE SHIT. ILL KILL  U U LITTLE TRANNY.
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To: Asshole

  K.
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From: Dustin (<–– Older Brother)

  I can't promise I'll get it right at first.
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To: Dustin

Effort is all that matters.
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From: Dustin

Thanks, bro.
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  I decided to ignore any following messages from my family for the time being, turning down the street in the local plaza. I head down one of the sidewalks, side stepping around other people and heading into the McDonalds. I order myself a twenty piece chicken nugget with honey mustard sauce, a large Sprite and a large fry along with an order of cookies. This is my comfort food and by god do I need it right now. It doesn't take long for my order to come out and I grab it before walking out.

  Holding my drink against my chest, I pull out my phone again and scroll through my contacts with my one free hand, quickly on one and holding the mic a foot from my mouth. I wait silently for a few moments as it rings, my eyes lighting up as the call picks up.

  "Hey, I told them, it didn't go well, he kicked me out... Plan B?" I smile a bit and thank the person on the other end before hanging up. I walked to a nearby park, sitting down at one of the picnic tables and beginning to eat my food. This is the predetermined pick up spot in case my coming out went haywire...

My name is Lukas Olliver-Valdez, I'm a transgender male and this is the story of my transition.

  Thank you for reading the first chapter of this story. Please feel free to leave any and all feedback.
-CelestialRanin