Left Standing Still

1# No Hello, No Goodbyes

When I was younger, my mumma told me that my father died. She used that excuse to cover up for him and try and hide the hurt that would have been caused for if I had known the real reason. I cried regardless, but life and death was something we eventually learnt how to live with. But abandons was something different. There is more pain to it. So I can forgive my mumma for lying to me, but I can't forgive myself for thinking I ever wanted to know my father.

I'm Stella. I'm 17 and only just finding out the real me now. I had only found out a couple weeks back my father abandoned me when I was 1, to go live with his new wife and step-kids. I didn't know how to feel. I thought he was dead for the past 17 years. I've been depressed, I'm not good with the guys, there either getting into relationships or just wanna fuck and I ain't like that for no hoe. I've been with 3 serious guys in the past 4 years. They all screwed me over massive. You'd think how the fuck I was still trusting people after the first but I'm a dumb bitch who gets convinced by their sweet talk. But I promised my baby sister that it was the last time I was getting sucked in.

**btw my baby sister died only 9 months ago, she made me promise her that I ain't gonna get sucked in. She died from fallin inlove. I know it sounds crazy but she fell inlove with this guy who was in with some gang shit and it eventually got the best of them both and they both got shot at a gang meeting. She was my little angle but now she is gone. So the least I can do is keep to the promise I made her. She knew what it was like to trust and fall inlove and that got her killed. So it's been 9 months since I've trusted anyone, even my best friend. No bitch can be trusted!