There's a chafing in my chest. An uncomfortable sensation that leaves me dead to the world and its pleasures.
But no.
No! I scream at my heart. The deal was I let you love someone and you wouldn't get too attached.
It's retort is somewhat agressive.
I don't care if you thought he might feel the same way. Clearly he doesn't and I have more important things to do than listen to you!
So I try to make the incoherent squiggles on my bio notes form themselves into words. But I'm distracted. I must tell it to shut up a thousand times, but my heart refuses to listen.
What do you want me to do? The pleading is pathetic.
It asks me for the one thing I cannot give.
All through exams I'm distracted by the irritation in my chest. No matter how much I plead, it will not give up until I give it what it wants.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. And I sign onto my messenger.
Me: hi
Him: hey
Me: i missed you at the party
Him: sorry, i had a basketball game
Do I really have to do this?
There's a ripping somewhere under my ribcage. A smug "absolutely".
Me: no, i mean, really missed you
Him: ya, i hate not seeing people over the summer
Me: what i mean to say is, and i hope it's not too weird
Him: what?!
Pause, deep breath.
Me: i like you
My heart jumps in my chest, soaring at its victory and nervous for the respons.
Him: that's really nice, but i'm sorry, i just don't feel that way
And the traitorous muscle in my chest simply deflates. It's empty, or at least curled in on itself, nursing its sudden knife wound.
You idea, I remind it.
And just like that I become the girl who lost her heart.
(I didn't really plan this, it just kind of sprouted into being. I'm excited to see what you think about it, so don't be afraid to comment!)
