Revival

prologue

Everything on this Earth is strictly chemical or physical. We like to believe that there is something beyond the complex sciences of our beings, but the truth is, there isn't. We are simply here. Navigating our way through evolution and the ever-changing existence of humans and life here on this planet, until our inevitable death. Everything we do or say will eventually consist of nothing more than useless shouts into the universe as it continues to revolve around us, completely oblivious to our very existence.

However, it's exactly this mindset that got me here in the first place. Staring blankly at the monotonous beige walls and ugly 70s style carpetting of a therapist's office. In this world apparently, you're supposed to cherish your life and hold this belief closely that in the end, it will all mean something, anything, because everyone refuses to accept the fact that each human is simply a speck of dust in the infinite exapanse of the universe. But that's just ignorance. 

"Nicole Warner?" The receptionist calls my name from behind a panel of glass windows. I always wondered why they put those windows up around the desks of secretaries and receptionsts. Like barriers. As if their solidity could somehow protect them from the negative thoughts and minds of patients that need to actually come here.

I make way past the circular desk and down the single corridor to the second door on the right. Dr. Kuto is already sitting at her desk waiting for me.

"Hello Nicole, how are you today?" She asks as I take my seat in front of her desk.

"Fine and how are you?" I answer, even though I already what she's going to say back.

Her red painted lips purse together before she speaks. "Now Nicole, we've talked about this before. I does not matter how I feel, it's about how you feel."

You see, therapists have this notion that by having a subject ask how they are, is somehow acting as a scapegoat for me to avoid having her ask how I am. When in reality, I'm simply being courteous. Something you are taught to be from day one. See how society acts as a paradox?

"I know. Sorry, but I'm doing fine."

"Good good." Her fake smile reappears on her face and I'm left wondering how she is capable of wearing so much make-up while simultaneously changing her facial expressions so much. I'm afraid her face is going to crack at any moment.

"So I have something very special to discuss at this meeting." Her face brightens immediately. "I think it's a great opportunity for you." She seems absolutely ecstatic at this point, like she's going to jump across her desk and hug me.

She pushes a manilla folder towards me. "Take a look." She excitedly opens it up for me and begins pulling out numerous papers. "It's a travel tour for kids just like you. You'll spend the next two months travelling from spot to spot with a group. It's supposed to kind of help open up your eyes to the world." She looks up at me now, locking eyes with utter determination. "So you can finally see the beauty it has to offer."

I don't really know what to say. I walk into this office every Tuesday with a routine expectation. I tell her how people's life philosophy is bullshit and she tells me basically to perk up. But now, she's offering me my ticket out of suburban Rhode Island. Out of the boring day-to-day life that I've come to not only despise but has caused me no other choice but to build up my bitter exterior.

"I-umm," I stutter, unable to form my thoughts into words,"yes, yes that would be- amazing, I guess." I finally get out.

Dr. Kuto's face lights up. Her eyes shining through her heavy mascara and her lips turning up into a wide smile. "You know, this is the first time I've seen you smile, Nicole."

I lift my head up from the papers to meet her gaze, "It's the first time I've felt like smiling."