Random Smut/Stories

1 Year Later (Ross Butler)

((this one is about my ex sorry lol, I'm putting Ross butler bc he somewhat looks like my ex and it gives me an excuse to write my feelings out and all that stuff you guys probs aren't into lol, anyways enjoy ya lovely babes))

It was 2am, I knew that I shouldn't have but I guess I love to bring myself more pain than necessary. I looked at his profile picture and there he was, with her, looking at her as if he had never looked at me. I wouldn't say he was looking at her the way he looked at me because the way he looked at me was unique and even if he says, "I have no feelings for you, you know?", it still doesn't erase everything he's said and done to me. All those times he's professed his love for me, sometimes at 2pm, sometimes at 2am. You can see, then, why I wouldn't believe him when he said that he had no feelings for me, especially when less than a month ago he was under me moaning my name in such desperation, the look of pure ecstasy when he came and I still stroked him. Also, when people say a statement and end it with a question mark, it shows that they're unsure and might not even believe their own statement. Personally, I believe he said it as a way of letting me go, we lived so far from each other he thought the best thing for him was to gradually not talk to me until one day he decided to finally let me go by saying those words, the ones that left me on the bathroom floor, destroyed and unable to move, crippled from the pain given by the one who, was the only one, to give me indescribable peace.
My thoughts and words seem so jumbled and messy but, it is 2am, I guess I shouldn't expect my words to be at their best.

The days turn into weeks, not yet turning into months, and I've already been on a date. One that left me purely unsatisfied, first it started with him mentioning nothing other than memes, I'm remembered of when me and Ross were laying in my bed, him continuously trying to hold me closer although it wasn't possible, we sat there watching videos of old vines, and replayed ones we laughed at the most, and would bring them up into regular conversations. But unfortunately, that's not what this guy did, it made him seem like the only personality he had was jokes from memes, I tried to talk about other things but he didn't seem very interested in having conversation other than that. When I said something I expected a response or laugh that Ross would give me but when I didn't get it I was upset, so I stopped expecting it, that's when I got bored, irritated, and uninterested. We went to see a movie and I enjoyed every minute of it, but when he would eat or drink I could hear every little swallow and every teeth bite down on the popcorn, it bothers me hearing people eat to the point where I get angry. With Ross that wasn't the case, I could never hear him eat or drink and when I heard him swallow it didn't bother me, it was like my hearing turned down sensitivity when with him and it was such a nice feeling. Later on the date when he took me home he asked what kind of music I was into, "I normally listen to indie shit honestly, a lot of alternative but also a lot of upbeat pop, so basically everywhere", I didn't mean to sound so all over the place but my mind was still on Ross, my thoughts were too busy with him that I forgot how to act normal. And of course, this guy had to play songs from Shark Boy and Lava Girl and Camp Rock 2, it seemed funny at first until he played the entirety of the songs. I was thankful I had gotten home so quickly and as soon as I walked into the door I was greeted by my tired mother who asked how the date went, still in my thoughts I rushed a "I'll tell you about it later, goodnight", and went into my room, closing the door with a heavy breath.

A couple of weeks later there was another date, one that went well, it was with my sisters fiancés brother, you don't even need to tell me, it's weird. But seeing how Ross had already moved on I thought to myself that I might as well try too. So, I did. For 7 months I dated him, until I felt unfulfilled and wanted to go off into the world again. I didn't forget about Ross but he wasn't on the forefront in my mind, I had gotten a job, was living with friends, and everything was going well for once. 8 months prior, I had come up with the idea that I would get out of Arkansas for a bit and stay in Missouri, even though Ross lived in the town I wanted to stay in that was far from the reasoning.
For two years I had a friend, Kyle. I had a crush on Kyle, him and I became close and I guess by close I mean physically, I was more open emotionally to him than he was I, but I was happy because I was in the illusion that he would be my very first boyfriend. Months later he had begun dating a lovely girl, her and I are still very close, and I was devastated at the time, we went through a lot of fighting and back and fourth but going into detail isn't the point. I had trusted him, he had betrayed me, multiple times. It started with me saying "no", and then me saying "stop, I'm uncomfortable", and then him holding me down, and despite my protests would continue to touch me. For a year he had done this, for a year I had invalidated it, telling myself "I like him so I'm supposed to like this", and no matter where I went around this area, I was reminded with he either worked there, we hung out there, or he assaulted me there. It had gotten too much but I hadn't the money to get out.
Now that I'm happy and on my own, I wouldn't have thought it would've still caused me so much emotional pain. I had told my friends that I wanted to stay in Missouri, of course their first thought was Ross, but when I explained they all essentially told me to move on from it, move on from what Kyle had done to me, that me moving would be a win for him, that the biggest 'fuck you' would be to stay, as if he cared. I wanted to get out for me while still being close enough to my family without being in the same state, the city was nice as well and I've always loved cities more than the country. Why would I stay somewhere where I didn't feel comfortable and where I wasn't at my peak of happiness?
So I did save up money, and I had plans of staying at a hotel for a month, at least as a little break. My friends weren't completely happy with me going but one of them understood completely and told me that when I come back things will be better.

It's now a year later, a year since I've seen Ross, and I'm in his hometown.
I walk up to the front desk and sign in, handing them my card, them handing it back to me along with my room key.
Down the hallway I feel alone, but at peace. It's quiet, all I can hear is my bags wheels dragging along the carpet, my shoes making little pats as I make my way to the room.
I feel unfamiliar but also calm and mellow, I'm very used to being alone but at the same time I wished that I wasn't. I debate on even making Ross aware of where I am, or if he'd even care. I wanted to just in case anything were to happen, I was a woman alone in a hotel room in a brand new city, normally that's a jackpot for creeps. My paranoia was bothering me but I was still hesitant in letting him know.
I settle all of my things down and pull out my own pillow cases and blanket, if I'm staying here for a month I know I wouldn't be able to get sleep on stiff and unscented bedsheets. I didn't bring a lot but I brought more than what people normally bring to hotel rooms, I was thankful that my hotel room was sort of secluded so that I wouldn't have to deal with hearing a lot of other people or other people hearing me.
The more I settle in the more familiar it began to feel, I knew that me being out and about would bring me to new places around and soon I would find a mall or a shopping center where I could buy more clothing and decorations.

Things felt right and okay.

((I'm gonna write a part 2 probably but I'm hella emotional right now seeing how I'm writing about a wound that hasn't had really any time to heal yet, writing has helped me a lot so I thought writing about what's happened and what I think will happen in the future may help me out, sorry if it all seems really jumbled and out of place, I hope you guys can enjoy it😊))