I downed my last shot of tequila for tonight. I slowly closed my eyes as I feel the burn of alcohol in my throat. Kung kanina napapangiwi pa ako dahil sa lasa, ngayon balewala na lang ito sa akin. Drink more and it gets better, indeed. I actually feel better as I feel warmth spread all throughout my body, reaching even my stone-cold of a heart from all the things that's going on lately. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit umiinom ang tao pag may problema. Alcohol doesn't take the pain away but it helps make you feel better. Nakaka-relax ang init na pinaparamdam nito sayo kung kaya't ilang araw na rin na puro alak ang dumadaloy sa sistema ko. But then I wonder, isn't it pathetic when people found comfort in alcohol?
If I keep stressing over my problems, and drink every single day of my life I would surely die because of alcohol poisoning. Great! Just great! I drink to survive from the pain only to be killed by alcohol. What a dumb way to die!
Nalipat ang atensyon ko sa mga taong masayang nagsasayawan sa dancefloor. I tried to stand up. I want to dance as well, pero hindi pa ako nakakalayo ay muntik na akong matumba. Shit! Umiikot na ang paningin ko. Naka-ilang shots na ba ko? Ten? Eleven? Twelve? Damn, hindi pa ako lasing pero siguradong may tama na ako. I tried to balance myself and walk again, eager to reach the dancefloor and have some fun, but before I could even take a few more steps ay bigla ng may humila at kumaladkad sa akin palabas ng bar. Nagpumiglas ako at nagsisisigaw, hindi na alintana kung pagtinginan man ako ng mga tao at isiping baliw o nakakahiya ako, it could be that I am being kidnap for Pete's sake!
Nang nakarating sa parking lot, kung saan wala na masyadong tao, ay doon ko lang nakita kung sinong hudas ang may kagagawan nito. My asshole of a boyfriend, I mean ex, is fuming mad right in front of me. What? Ano na namang nagawa ko? Last time I check I was just having fun and whatever I want to do with my life is none of his business! Tinalikuran ko siya without saying a word but before I could even take a step ay marahas niya na akong hinablot sa braso at hinarap sa kanya.
"Don't turn your back at me, I am not done with you!" He spat with so much anger, na para bang ang pagtalikod ko ay sobrang nakaka-insulto para sa kanya. Used to have everything your way, Ivan? Well, wag ako, gago!
"That's not my problem anymore because I am done with you!" I spat back. It's true! I am done with all this bullshit! I am done with this relationship! I am done with him!
"Get in the car. Let's get you sober first then we'll talk."
"Who said I want to talk to you? Hindi mo ba narinig yung sinabi ko? I am done with you. You don't have the right to tell me what to do so please leave! Get out from my sight, and get out from my goddamned life!"
Humakbang siya palapit sa akin at dinuro ako. "Shut the curses!"
Marahas kong hinawi ang kamay niya at humakbang din palapit. "Tangina mo! Wala kang pakialam kahit paliguan kita ng mura dito, gago! Ano ba talagang gusto mo? Sabihin mo na ng matapos na ang kahibangan na to, letse!" Nawalan na talaga ako ng pakialam sa paligid ko. I don't care if people are watching. I don't care if they are listening, the hell with them?
Napasabunot siya sa sariling buhok, frustration evident on his face. Ano bang problema ng isang 'to, at bakit pati ako ay dinadamay niya pa? I used to dream of a good life, now all I wanted is to have a peaceful one. Is that too much to ask for? Well, maybe, a peaceful lfe is not for people like me. Napasabunot rin ako sa sariling buhok ng maaalala ang rason kung bakit umabot ako sa ganito? Walang ibang sisisihin dito kundi ako. May kasalanan ako kung kaya't nagdudusa ako ngayon.
"Ivan.." I moaned his name as his kisses went down to my neck. Sobrang init ng pakiramdam ko kahit naka-full blast naman yung aircon. I blushed when I realized that we're both naked as he lays on top of me, his lips on my neck and his fingers thrusting in and out in my most sensitive flesh. Fuck! I'm almost there, I can feel it, kaya halos murahin ko siya ng bigla niyang tinigil ang ginagawa niya.
But before I could even curse him, he spread my legs wider as he positioned himself on my entrance. We both ready ourselves for his thrust nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone niya. Before I could even reach for the phone that's just on the side table, napaungol na ako dahil sa ginawa niyang pagpasok. Damn, he feels so good but the noise is distracting me. Kahit alam kong maiirita siya sa gagawin ko, pinilit ko pa ring abutin ang kanyang cellphone na walang tigil sa pagri-ring. Parang nabuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig ng nakita kung sino ang tumatawag.
My Love calling..
Padarag kong nabitawan ang cellphone niya kung kaya't bumagsak ito sa sahig. Natauhan ako. Lahat ng init at libog na naramdaman ko ay naglaho na parang bula. Nagulat si Ivan ng buong lakas ko siyang tinulak palayo sa akin.
"Baby, come on. What's wrong? Hindi mo ba nagustuhan yung ginawa ko?' Nag-aalala niyang tanong. Hindi ako sumagot. Pinulot ko ang mga damit kong nagkalat sa sahig at dali-daling nagbihis. Naramdaman ko siya sa gilid ko, and when I looked up to face him, I see fear and panic in his eyes. Agad akong umiwas ng tingin dahil hindi ko kaya yung mga titig niyang ganon.
"I'm leaving."
"What?! Why?" Agad niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko. "Can you please tell me what's wrong, Ales? May nagawa ba kong mali? Did I hurt you?" Puno ng pag-aalala ang kanyang boses. Halos maiyak ako sa tanong niya. This is all wrong, Ivan. This relationship is a mistake. And now I'm hurt kasi parang sinampal ako ng katotohanan. You belong to someone and that someone.. isn't me.
What the hell am I thinking? Bakit ako pumasok sa ganitong relasyon? Bakit ako pumayag sa ganitong set- up? Bakit hinayaan ko siyang gawin akong isang kabit? I shuddered at the thought.
Brace yourself, Alessandra De la Vega. You are surely going to hell because of this.
