Faking My Own Suicide

“So I've made up my mind. I will pretend to leave this world behind, and in the end, you'll know I've lied. To get your attention, I'm faking my own suicide.”

 

            Poland, normally a cheerful nation (except for lately) wore a tired, worried expression. He lay awake in his enormous, plush bed thinking whether or not he should go through with the plan. He and Lithuania had become very distant from each other in the past years since Liet had gained freedom from Russia. They were still married, still friends, but the emotional connection they had previously had dwindled. As a result, the blond nation grew very depressed. He tried desperately to gain Toris’s attention, his permission to love him…but Lithuania was very distant. The truth was, he was afraid of getting too close to Poland and then losing him. Poland’s plan had taken months of thinking and asking for help from France and England, but he had made up his mind, almost on a whim, that he would fake his own suicide. Surely that would catch Lithuania’s attention?

            …But what if things went wrong and Toris hated him for lying?

 

            “I'm faking my own suicide because I know you love me, you just haven't realized. I'm faking my own suicide; they'll hold a double funeral because a part of you will die along with me.”

 

Poland knew. He knew that Lithuania loved him…the feelings were just being masked somehow… The fact that Lithuania, after all they had helped each other through, still put up a wall, a mask to guard his feelings hurt Poland more than anything.

            There was another thing to think of. Lithuania would be so upset, wouldn’t he? What if he committed suicide before Poland could ‘resurrect’? Poland would never forgive himself.

            “I wish you thought that I was dead So rather than me, you'd be depressed instead And before arriving at my grave, you'd come to the conclusion you'd loved me all your days but it's too late, too late for you to say…”

 

            Lithuania read over the note a second and a third time. Shaking with numb sorrow, he fell to his knees, clutching the note in his scarred hands. Toris let out a desperate, choked sob, his tiny frame wracked with violent weeping. He screamed out and pounded at the cold floor with anguished fists.

            “I loved you! How couldn’t you have known?! Why did this happen?!” he continued crying and mourning alone.

            After a miserable hour, there was the shrill ring of the telephone next to Liet’s head. He sprang up, desperate to hear that strong yet feminine voice…

            “Hello, Lithuania?” The nation nearly dropped the phone in disappointment at the British accent. He let the English nation continue.

            “I’m sure you’ve heard the news? My sincerest condolences. I knew how close the pair of you were.” Lithuania bit his lip as hot tears ran down his already stained face.

            “Anyway, I’m calling to inform you of the funeral plans… They service will be held in Poland’s home in Warsaw at four P.M. on Saturday. Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss. Goodbye.” Lithuania sobbed again at the cruel casualness of the phone call and wept farther for his lost love.

 

            “I'll write you a letter that you'll keep reminding you your love for me is more than six feet deep. You say aloud that you would have been my wife, right about that time is when I come back to life and let you know, I'd let you know All along I was faking my own suicide.”

 

Lithuania stared blankly at the closed coffin that contained the lifeless body of his love. He wished more than anything that it was himself in the casket. The nation was initially outraged at the lack of attendees. He now stood at the podium to pay his respects. His mind was blank.

            “Feliks was…” He swallowed the painful tears and choked back a sob.

“Feliks was pure magic. He was perfect. His smile meant the world to me, he was always so full of life and he—“ He bit his lip as another trail of hot tears ran down his face.

            “He had the biggest heart of anyone I know. He was so strong. He was my phoenix, my wife, and my best friend.” Suddenly stricken with grief, Lithuania curled forward and sobbed.

            “Oh, Poland…”

            “Yeah, Liet?”

 

            “I'll walk in that room and see your eyes opened so wide, opened so wide, because you know...because you know you will never leave my side until the day that I die for the first time. And we'll laugh, yeah, we'll laugh and we will cry; so overjoyed with our love that's so alive, our love is so alive.”

 

            Lithuania looked up, staring into the very much alive green eyes. His own blue eyes had widened to twice their normal size. He silently walked over to the nineteen year old and lightly touched his cheek. That unmistakable smirk. Lithuania suddenly threw his arms around Poland’s neck, collapsing into his arms and once again sobbing. Poland soothingly petted the nation’s brunet hair and kissed the top of his head. Between sobs, Lithuania laughed and gripped Poland’s shirt for dear life.

           

            “I love you, F-Feliks.”

            “I love you too, Toris. I’ll never leave you again.” The two laughed, more from relief, and pressed their lips together.

           

            “Our love is so alive.”