Lockdown Fun

Please

I don't feel bad for what I did nor will I ever feel bad. I didn't kill her, she almost got me killed so she deserved a swift kick in the face. Caden plays with his fingers and lays his head in my lap. The scare of someone finding us had long passed, Madi hasn't woken up yet and I'm quite happy about that, she doesn't bother me I don't bother her, she doesn't bother my boyfriend she keeps her life. I giggle at that which makes Caden smile,
"You have an adorable laugh." He says, his laugh to me is very manly. Very deep and low in his throat that belts out but is comforting. Makes him human. Emma and Alex are deep in a lighthearted conversation, well I would suppose, they're laughing and smiling and giggling. This doesn't even seem what it is, we're stuck in here, fearing our lives but I feel happier than I can ever remember. This is a dream come true, Caden in my lap. Alex and Emma are together so we can double date. Just the shooting things a little offsetting. Whenever I joke I wanna die, yeah that was strictly just a joke. I can't stop thinking about what ifs and then what's. What are we gonna do in math, how is Madi gonna twist this story to make our conjoined friendgroups hate me. If I tell everyone first, then I could tell the right story. Not the story of Caden cheating which wasn't cheating. He only cheated for about 25 minutes because of me, Emma and Alex telling him to wait.
"Would it be wrong to relocate right now, I mean I don't wanna be in here when Madi comes too and I don't wanna be in here anymore, it's just stuffy." Emma says looking around. I don't find the idea to be stupid I just wanna know there's somewhere else to go IF we are threatened once again. My first thoughts are the labs around the school, always unlocked but not a place to hide, we have the possibility to escape if we think about it. If we can easily make it to the doors outside of the cafeteria or actually any door in that matter we can leave but even myself is leaving a lot. Or am I? My phone is securely in my pocket, everything in my backpack is replaceable. Nothing I have here is valuable except my phone, my friends and the person in my lap. One of the three I can only hope the best for. With Caden being in my lap and Emma being across the room, I know they're somewhat safe. The bell rings, its scary to hear it as it was a normal day. It's only 10:02, the end of what would be second period. Weird for this all to take place not thirty minutes after first period started. I always thought they would take place in the middle of the day not as soon as I bother to write my name on my first assignment. I keep being between the thoughts of where to run and fuck it and both can be done, just one after the other. I can't for the life of me remember what classroom we're in, being in here for so long it all just looks blurry as if I just woke up from being dragged here. I don't finish my thoughts before I get up and grab Caden's arm.
"Emma, let's go."
I don't know what possesed me to get up, It's like a feeling of freedom, anticipated freedom as a step over Maddie's body and step foot into a stairwell. We're downstairs, 7th grade hallway. I vaguely remember coming down here for a specific reason or actually any reason at all with the memory being so faint. Everything is just mush to me from me coming downstairs to, Emma, Caden and Alex following me in here. I close the door quietly after everyone except a still unconscious Madi is out of the room. It's so silent, all so shut away and hidden. I take lead and walk slowly towards the cafeteria, the worst place to be because of all the open space but it's a place to start looking for nothing imperticular just something. I can sense the fear radiating off Caden who has a vice grip on my arm and won't loosen up. We pass a hallway and the realization hit us, that this was real and nothing stood in between us and death. Although unimportant, Alex the custodian was dead, stabbed to death clutching a pocketknife. This wasn't a suicide for sure, the knife was clean and he's holding it at a defensive angle, outwards not towards himself. Bloody footprints trail towards the art room but stop halfway there. It's not much of a sign but we know he hasn't gone the way we're going so our chances of losing our lives in the next 20 minutes has gone up half a percent. I take the pocketknife and slide I'd into my pocket and keep going, stupid because if Alex died from using a pocketknife what makes my chances any better. I keep walking and reach the doors and test them, they're unlocked and the urge to say fuck it and run is strong right now, nothing is stopping me. I can leave with my life, my boyfriend, my best friend, and I could potentially make it home but then I'll be seen as a deserter. Descions were made for me as Caden pushes me towards the Cafeteria. No, no, no, we had an escape, we had a way out. I'm too stunned to get the words of,
"No, we could leave.", out. Caden is not dragging me to the Cafeteria doors, they're wide open and it's so silent, nothing moves, nothing buzzes. A silent hell is what we really see. Smiley faces painted on the walls in blood.The bloody bodies of lunch staff scattered, backstabbed. I have the small sense that this isn't just a school shooting or well stabbing, this is a message to everyone in this school. If one back stabs, we all pay.