Nothing and Everything

 "Why do you stay?"

Because there are some nights where he wont swing, or yell at me. There are some nights where he had a good day at work, and he treats me like treasure. And if I'm lucky and he's in a happier mood, he hugs me so tight that I can't breathe anymore. The angry fire in his eyes just go out.

"I don't know"

"Well, you have to have some kind of reason to put up with all he does."

I guess I just take whatever good I can get out of the bad and make the most of it. He makes me feel like I deserve nothing and everything at the same time. He'll praise me for making him his favorite dinner, but then yell at me the next second for forgetting to clean up the living room, even though it's his fault the living room is a mess. It's his candy wrappers and crushed beer cans that are on the floor.

"I really don't know. I guess I just make the best of it?"

"If you say so. Well, I'll let you continue shopping, Veronica. Have a good rest of your day!"

I continue to wander around the grocery store for as long as I can (I don't want to go home and have to see him quite yet). I pick up a few things here and here that I know he'd want. My whole life revolved around what Matt wants.If I'm completely honest, it doesn't feel like I have my own life, it simply feels like it's Matts.

Around 15 minutes had pass when I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I pull it out and check the homescreen. Right away I see that the first notification is a text from Matt. Where are you?  Which translates to I better be home in 10 minutes or things are gonna get ugly.

As I rush my cart out of isle 12 to the nearest cash register, I bump into a girl. She was noticeably frantic and constantly turning her head to look out the glass windows of the store. She had been so busy looking all over the place she didn't bother to apologize. I brush it off because there are worse things out there than a stranger simply bumping into you.

When I get to my car, I load the groceries in as fast as I can, still being careful with the delicates like glass and eggs. If there's anything Matt loves most in the world, it's this car. I don't want to risk messing it up and getting myself in more trouble than I'm already in.

I get into the front seat of the car and start it. I kick away some old cans away from the pedals, and start backing out. As I back out, a group of teens on colorful bikes pass. I quickly hit the brakes and my body jolts slightly forward.

Poking my head out the window, I scream "Sorry!". None of them acknowledge me, and continue to ride through the parking lot.

The whole way back home, I'm not only worried about almost hitting another person, but I'm worried about what I'll come home to. I don't like to get my hopes high, but I'm at least hoping he'll be in a decent mood. I rented a movie the other day and I'm sure he'd love it. Hopefully we can watch it together.

I pull into the driveway of our home and put the car in park. For a few seconds, I just sit there, with my hands still wrapped around the steering wheel and my eyes closed. Just one more day. I think to myself. This has always been a method I use when I'm having trouble with making it through life. If I think of things in smaller steps, like a day, it makes it seem not so bad. I think of it as if I can finish this one day, I'll be fine. Then when the next day comes, I think it again.

As soon as I take one step into the house, I hear his voice call for me.

"Veronica."

I drop off the handful of groceries on the kitchen counter, then follow his voice to the couch.

"Yes dear?"

"Where's dinner?" he pauses the TV show he had been watching to look at me directly. I can see the flames in his eyes start up.

"I haven't made it yet, but I went grocery shopping and I found your fav-"

"I don't need a fucking explanation. Just go do it."

"Right. Sorry dear."

I turn around and head back to the kitchen and start washing my hands to prepare for dinner. I grab the rim of the porcelain sink and try to steady my hands.

"Just one more day." I whisper to myself. "Just. One. More. Day."