My transgender journey

Part 1. Being subtle.

When i figured out that i was trans, i immediately started to panic. How would my family react? How would my friends react? How long would it be before i came out? How long would it be until... etc. All of which, are questions most trans people will have when figuring it out. I remembered that i still had my binder for my cosplay so i started to wear that to school. My mums soon noticed. (I have 2 mums. Its pretty cool! 😁 i still see my dad though... it gets kind of confusing...) My biological mum told me to stop wearing it to school after about two weeks... i listened and stopped wearing it but was VERY uncomfortable in my bra. But i kept on wearing it for about a month after that i started to bring my binder into school. I then got changed in the toilets. The school never said anything so i didn't stop. I kept on with this routine for a month or so, my 'morning routine' at home becoming faster and easier until i got to school where i got in, went to my tutor room, stayed for the 'bulletin' and register, then went and got changed. One evening, i forgot to take my binder off before leaving school and got told off by my mums. They took it and hid it for a week. Then i saw it, drying out on the airer after being in the wash. I took it back and began the routine again. By this time, it was March and we were starting to prepare for my step-mum's birthday so i stayed quiet but kept on trying to drop hints. Things such as when talking about gay pride, i would mention Trans pride. Then, when April came around, i started asking how they would react if i was trans. They just said, "don't worry about it babe." I had almost always felt uncomfortable with female pronouns so i started to just go silent when referred to with them. Trying to show my discomfort in a subtle way. Half-term soon came around so i relaxed for the first week. Then i began to think about how to come out as trans because i had known, myself and my best friend had known aswell for four months now! So we got thinking. Should i write a letter? Leave a voice-mail? Tell them in person? Text them? We canceled out the voice mail. They always pick up the phone. We then canceled out the text. It can be taken in the wrong way. So the only options that we could think of were either to tell them in person or wrote them a letter. I tried to tell them in person about four times in the second week of half-term. None of those times could i muster up the courage to tell them, straight up, that i was trans. I ended up writing the letter on the 18th of April at around 10:42pm. I then rewrote it the next night to get it right. I let my best friend read it before i gave it to my mums. They read it together with me in the room. I got anxious and my palms began to sweat. They could see that i was uncomfortable and when they had finished reading it, the hugged me tight. They told me that they love me no matter what. We had a chat and decided that i would give my dad the same letter with all of us in the room. The day after, i tried telling another of my friends. She immediately snapped at me and called me transphobic! I asked why and she snapped again. I then told her to leave me alone, then i blocked her on all social media. If she is going to call a trans person, transphobic, she can f*ck off! That evening, i gave my letter to my dad. He read it and was fine with it! Me and my sister then went off to his, like every weekend. This morning, (21/4/2018) she went off to work and i got my breakfast. I still haven't told my dad's girlfriend that i am trans so he still calls me Sophie and uses fem pronouns. That makes me uncomfortable but by next weekend, when his girlfriend and her daughter have gone to Australia, he should be calling me Jack and using male pronouns. If he doesn't, im going to have to remind him which is fine but will be annoying...

That is all for today my Boo-T's! Have fun and be yourself! X