As a growing boy, it was typical of me to get up in the middle of the night for food.
Normally I'd eat cereal or make myself a sandwich. But my dad's new girlfriend is a health nut and replaced my tasty potato bread with wheat, and my Reese's Puffs with raisin bran.
Raisins, gross. Bran, gross. Whoever thought that cereal was a good idea needs to be shot. The guy that thought drying grapes and making raisins needs to go to hell and let the Aztecs torture him. If you know the way Aztecs tortured, you wouldn't want to be in that guys position.
So now as I scavenged for food I didn't have very many options. Carrots, broccoli, celery, and grapes about summed it up. I got out the low fat ranch, another delicacy she stole from me, and the carrots.
Three carrots in, I remembered that I actually didn't like carrots.
I made my way through the fridge, dipping both my celery and broccoli into the dip and unsuccessfully craved my hunger. So then I pulled out the grapes.
I popped a grape in my mouth, I smiled at the slightly sour taste of the green orb. I don't know why I didn't start off with grapes, I like them much better than anything else in that fridge.
"Hello?" I said, picking up my phone.
"Hey baby."
I smiled into the receiver, "oh hi babe. What are you up to, calling me in the middle of the night?"
"I just missed you and knew that you would be eating right now," Alyssa, my beautiful girlfriend replied.
"I miss you too, babe. You know me so well. I'm just standing in the kitchen eating some grapes," I said, popping another grape in my mouth.
The grape got caught in my throat and I started choking.
"So babe. I was thinking movie night, but a double date. Sarah just got that new boy in her life and they need couple on couple time. How do you feel about that?"
I couldn't reply to her, I just continued to choke on this damn grape. It was logded in my throat and I couldn't swallow, or push it out. My eyes started to water.
"Babe? You there?"
I made a strangled sound and started to panic. I tried to trigger my gag reflexes, but they wouldn't work. My lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen.
"Steven, what's wrong? What's happening?" she panicked.
I still couldn't breathe, my chest and throat throbbed. I tried to heimlich myself, but it wouldn't work. My vision blurred and my head started spinning.
"Steven! I'm calling 911," she cried.
Good thing she was because I sure as hell couldn't do it. I tried to make noise to get my dad's attention or his girlfriend's. It was useless though. Both could sleep through anything.
Soon I could feel myself fading and I collapsed on the floor. I can't believe a freaking grape is going to kill me. Great way to die, death by grape.
Then, all I could see was black.
