Ice // Ryden (Short Story)

One

I have fallen in love.

Now, if you told me that seven years ago, little 11 year old me would say, "well, duh."

But if you told me that the person I fell in love with was a guy named George Ryan Ross III, I'd tell you that you were insane.

Falling in love with another guy isn't normal. No, that's just weird. Doesn't matter if people accept it, I was just taught that it was pretty odd. 

Snow is falling around me, even landing on my hair. Within every breath I let out, a small cloud appears and disappears. I watch a mother and father teach their daughter to keep still on the ice, laughing along as if it's not freezing. I have a tight grip on my bag. My parents left town to take a trip to Hawaii with my aunt and uncle. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that they didn't bring me.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, making me come back to reality. I turn away from the happy family and continue walking down the street. I ignore the buzzes, my phone will get wet and it's not like I can do anything with my freezing fingers anyway, they feel like fragile twigs. Ten minutes pass, I feel several buzzes, and I'm finally at Ryan's house. I take a deep breath. 

The snow crunches beneath my feet as I approach his front door. There's another car pulled up, it's not his or his parents. I shake it off and knock on the door, kicking the snow off my shoes. I'm wearing jeans, a t-shirt, some converse, and a hoodie. I should've dressed warmer, I didn't realize how cold it would be. 

The door opens, it's warm inside, smells like cranberries and spices, like Christmas. I've always been envious of little things about Ryan, especially how him and his house always smells so perfect. 

"Oh, Brendon, come in! Ryan is just upstairs, would you like some tea?" Mrs. Ross rushes me inside, closing the door behind me.

"Um, sure, that would be amazing," I say, smiling generously, "thank you so much for letting me stay here." I follow her to the kitchen, putting my bag down next to my shoes. She grabs my favorite tea and starts the water. We talk, catching up, until a woman walks in, she seems to be Mrs. Ross's age.

"Jackie, this is Brendon, Ryan's boyfriend. Brendon, this it Ryan's aunt," Mrs. Ross says. I blush madly, eyes widening. Mrs. Ross pours the water into the mug, adding some sugar as well.

"Um, Ryan and I aren't-"

"It's nice to meet you," Jackie cuts me off. I go to speak, but footsteps rush downstairs and Ryan tackles me in a quick hug. 

"God, you had me worried sick, you weren't answering your phone and- you're freezing, Bren!" He says worriedly, pulling away. 

"I-I walked, they left earlier than I thought," I say quietly. He places a hand on the side of my neck, flutters exploding in my stomach. His eyes are filled with worry, his hands are warm. 

"Are you okay?" Ryan asks quietly. God, you stupid fucking idiot, stop caring about me so much.

I hesitate. "I..." Not really, but I don't want to get into it when his family is in the room, so I force a smile. "I'm fine."

His eyes flinch slightly, he knows I'm lying. He takes my hand, grabs my tea, and leads me upstairs.

"It was nice meeting you," I quickly tell Jackie, but her and Ryan's mom just laugh.

Ryan closes the door behind me, places my tea down, then turns and slaps me. I wince, and he immediately shakes his head.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" He says in disbelief. 

"I know," I say quietly, looking down.

"No, stop, no, stop being so down on yourself," he says, "I want to just smother you with love until you die- do you have any idea how scared I was?!"

"No, why would you be?" I ask, looking up at him.

"You don't get it, oh my god, you just don't get it..." He rubs the corners of his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, nervously tugging at my sleeves. Ryan sighs, shaking his head.

"You're fine, I'm sorry, I just... I still get scared..." He says.

"I know, I'm sorry."

Three months ago I tried to kill myself when I was supposed to hang out with him, and he managed to save me. I remember it, him having to crawl through my bedroom window to get to me, throwing the blade across the room before I could actually do anything, hugging me tightly as I was sobbing. It's a memory that has burned into both of our minds. 

Ryan takes a deep breath, looking at me. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he realizes that I mean so much when I tell him that.