Tattoo

Chapter 3

"You don't see yourself." Because he lacks the understanding that I hold, the knowledge of my vision, perception that keeps me so attached to all that he is. Morally superior, unequivocal to any other I have known. But I can't say or admit the powerful baring uncommon within me he holds in his grasp. From persona to manner, to the way he roles and hits me in the chest in sleep. Nothing is unimportant about him. I know, and the understanding I grapple with; he does not see how irreplaceable he is.

So I stand there, keeping him under the shelter of my arms, because he is weeping now, even though he doesn't want me to see. I feel his body shake, the hiccups that resonate in his chest. Until just recently I have never seen a echo of negativity in him, not sadness. I wonder if failure follows me so swiftly, to not have noticed the crawling pace of depression or anxiety burrow inside his mind. Failure is my accomplice, and I thought for a shining luminescent moment that as apology, I was given Natsu. Redemption perhaps, it doesn't matter, a chance to feel successful in the way I dictated my life for once. He is not perfection, but he is the most influential thing in my life, I would do anything for him. Even if he should crumble under himself and become something malicious, I would slaughter for him. Even though I hate death.

The one thing I have present. One thing I can love no matter what.

What caused his tears? His nerves to flare? I know him well, insecurity doesn't become him, yet a lingering motion seeps through him and gains momentum. I would do anything for him, even though he has never asked.

Except once, today was the only day he had want for something from me. In the simplest of forms, my coat. The only reasoning I can find, is the women at the docks, her cruel taunting, the child behind her oblivious but no less oppressed. Or PhantomLord's attack on his guild, insult and dismantling of a place he considers home more then his cottage, the injury and affront to his friends and family, the pain they inflicted.

I harbour no attachment to Fairytail, only their Salamander carries my interest. Revenge for what they had done to him had been all I could think about since he cried in front of me. Helplessness so redundant because I could not even comfort him when it was needed so desperately. What type of man watches their lover distress and does nothing. A failure. Myself, with nothing to lose in life, apart from the everything I hold in my embrace.

I have no charm with words, no charisma, a vocabulary more filled with cusses then fluidity. I fight with sentimentality when speaking, because open verbal sentiment is weakness. With him however... I would learn every word, study the dictionary itself in order to properly express what I feel for him. About him.

"You don't know yourself you said. Well, I know you. Natsu... I would move the world if you asked me too." His sobs get louder, but he turns to me with a shaken and such joyful expression that his body looks to be acting on its own. A coy look rests in his eyes, challenging me to finish what I was going to say, there is too much. Strong is the most bland word to describe him in battle or brawl. Still, I can't help but filter to my instinct, what I wish against what I understand of him. "I want to break Phantomlord myself, all that hurt you, all that left a bruise on your skin. So that I may watch your eyes fill with invigoration." Its Dark desire, garnered from years spent negotiating, fighting, and living in a guild outside of the boundaries of law. Shameful in the manner in which it neglects how he is capable.

But he smiles at me sensually, even with tears on his face, there is an alluring redness to his cheeks that has me enthralled. He leans into me, and the arousal is not something I saw coming. Welcome though it is. He slides his hands up to cup around my neck gently. I know he is looking for escape from himself, but given his position in self as it is, I don't want to deny him. "Its been a long time... You didn't have fun with anyone else did you?" Its unusual for him to be subtle, but maybe the thought of someone else with me has him recoiling.