『 pen 』 ✽ chaennie

Pen

She entered the classroom with a bright smile on her face. She was clutching hard at an object as she stands in front of you. Your teacher introduced her as your new classmate, her bowing to all of you. It was obvious that she was nice. She even prepared a joke that made you chuckle. But for some reason, you didn't like her.

Every day, you go to her desk, writing hurtful words in her notebook. Your friends asked you what she did wrong, you shrugged. You said that she was annoying. Your friends supported you, they even laughed at your tricks. You wrote her name on the blackboard, accompanied by the phrase "Welcome to hell, bitch.".

She went inside the classroom, still smiling at you. She just grabbed the eraser, quietly erasing your greetings. It got into your nerves. You were shouting at her, telling her to stop being a fake. Telling her that nobody likes her.

She smiled at you, holding your hand. She just mouthed a simple "thank you" and continued cleaning the blackboard. You saw something that you knew was important to her. You grabbed it and laughed.

She begged you to stop, yet you didn't. She cried her heart out, staring at the object in your hand. Did you give it back? No, you didn't. Instead, you threw it out the window, laughing at her. You pushed her out of your way, even calling her a dumb loser.

One day, you were reprimanded by your teacher. He was asking you why you were bullying her. You remembered the words, "Chaeyoung doesn't deserve this Jennie. For once, be nice.". You didn't lower your pride, you scoffed at your teacher. You proudly said, "She deserves it. She's a fake.".

You kept doing your cruel acts. You kept on getting that thing she needs and kept on breaking it. You even got someone to join you in being an asshole. You called her a true friend. Your friend made her life into a living hell.  She bathed her with fish oil, threw a bunch of eggs. You were proud for some reason.

You got yourself a girlfriend, the very same friend that you had. You were inseparable. Things started to get harder for her, the girl who've done nothing wrong. It was either she'll find her project crushed to the ground, or her bag soaking wet with mop water.

You were a couple made in hell, picking on a lone angel sent from heaven. A lone angel who only wanted to be free, who only wanted to be loved. People hated her because of you. She never got the appreciation she deserves because of you.

But one day, everything changed.

You were caught cheating on a national exam that can give people a better life. The backlash was huge. Countless eggs were thrown, a few numbers of assignments were torn. Your girlfriend broke up with you, saying the words "You're the fake one. You deserved it.".

Out of all the people, she was the only one who didn't change. One time you had a group project, nobody wanted to be in the same group with you. She volunteered. She stood up from her seat, looking at your teacher with a smile. "I'll do it. I'll be her partner.".

Everyone left, only the two of you were inside. You asked her, "Why?". She didn't answer. She just smiled. You weren't sure if you were mad or sad, still, you slapped her. She trembled on her knees, "I..I'm sorry..". Though her way of speaking was weird, almost as if it was her first time speaking, you understood what she said. You rushed out of the classroom, going straight home.

You were at your bed, thinking about everything. You cried and cried and cried because you realized why you hated her. You hated her because she was strong. You hated her because she still smiles despite her pain. You hated her because you knew, she was far stronger than the image you tried to build for years.

Lastly, you hated her.. because you thought you did.. You thought those secret glances you took were because of hate, you thought the reason why she's on your head is that you hated her. But no, you planted the thought that you hated her because you were scared that the thought of you loving her grows.

Now, you hate yourself. You hate yourself because you now realize how much pain you've caused her, how much hardship you gave her. You couldn't wait til' the next day comes. You anticipated to meet her again. You thought, "This is the chance to fix everything.".

You came running to school at 4 in the morning though your school opens at 6. You waited for her at the entrance. You scanned all the different faces that had entered, having no luck. It was late already. You were late for class. Did you care? No. Instead, you ran to the teacher's office, looking for her files. You looked for her address, smiling to yourself when you saw that she was just a few blocks from your house.

You were about to sneak out when your teacher saw you. He said, "Jennie, I have an announcement to make. It is you who needs to hear it most." He ushered you to your room, while you find your way to your seat.

He took a deep sigh before talking. "Park Chaeyoung will not be going to school anymore." He frowned. You were shaking as you voiced out, "Why..? Did she transfer to another school..?". Your knuckles were turning white, nails digging into your palm. "She committed suicide last night." Murmurs were heard.

You ran out of the classroom, feeling suffocated. Your teacher followed you not long after. "Chaeyoung's mother said that at first, she was worried about the amount of money she has to spend on Chaeyoung's hearing aid. Chaeyoung kept denying that someone was taking it, saying that she just misplaced it."

Hearing aids. The object that you kept on snatching from her ear, throwing it away or crushing it with your feet. It was your fault.

"She also found a bunch of awful things written on her notebook.."

The same notebook she was clutching on for the first day of school... The one she used to communicate with you... The same notebook you kept on writing at. Still your fault.

"Countless times, she was found working on a project or an assignment til' dawn.."

Your fault.

"The number of wounds and bruises on her body..."

Your fault.

"The sobs she hears from her daughter's room at night.."

Your fault.

"The holes or the odd bad odor on her clothes.."

Your fault.

You cried, hearing the muffled voice of your teacher. You didn't care about what he was saying, hell you didn't even try to listen. You were stuck in your world... A world your guilt has brought you to.

You knew it was your fault why she gave up. You knew it was your fault why she took her life. You knew... that it was your fault...

That the hopeless, perfect, voiceless girl, who holds on to her only hope... A pen and a notebook... committed suicide.

fin.

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Hey! Before you say anything, this one-shot was inspired by the anime "A Silent Voice". It's a great movie, by the way, you should watch it. Thank you all for reading this one-shot! Hope you liked it. ❤️

-requested