I looked around at the torn apart room. Tears stung my eyes. I've done it again. I fucked up big this time.
One night turned into months.
One drink turns into dozens.
One girl that wasn't Alaina.
I never meant to do all the things I did.
I never meant to have my son look at me in disappointment.
I never meant to hurt anybody.
I never meant to hurt Alaina.
But that was 8 years ago.
I thought Alaina and I could work it out but that never happened.
I guess I finally pushed her too far.
I did push her too far.
One night I'm sitting at home with my son and wife and the next I'm living alone and my son hates and my wife has filed for a divorce. I don't know what's worse. Losing everything you had in an instant or losing everything you loved and knowing you're never getting it back. I haven't moved on. I still long for Alaina. Max has tried setting me up on dates but it never goes farther than one dinner. I don't want anybody else.
No matter how much anybody tells me I won't ever get her back, there's still a part of me that believes that she still loves me a little bit.
But I'm foolish. I know that. My actions prove it.
All I want is to be happy again. But how can I be happy without her? One thing is certain.
This is not the end.
