Secret War

Chapter 4

4

"Riya, when did you get here?" I jumped.

"Not long ago," the small girl shrugged. "Looks like we need to work on your reaction skills. We can't have Strigoi surprising you left, right and centre can we?"

"Are they going to jump me in a club?" I narrowed my eyes.

"You never know, it's happened before. I may keep an eye on this town but sometimes I don't know there's a problem until later when someone manages to contact me." Riya shrugged. "You seem pretty relaxed now."

"Thanks." I grinned. I was feeling a lot better than I had ever been since Dimitri's death. Sure the worry was still there somewhere inside but I also knew that these people were trying to help me and that the only way to get to Dimitri is to get through this challenge first. It's odd how I could never seem to find piece with anyone anymore back at the academy but now, I felt more myself than ever. Somehow, I didn't feel like a freak. And I didn't feel the pressure and depression. I could still feel Lissa's though and I could tell it was seeping into me but somehow it wasn't taking control of me and for that I was very glad. I didn't know what I would do if I suddenly went berserk on everyone, I wouldn't know how to explain it.

Scanning the room again I noticed that there were quite a few guardians in the club. I only knew that from their molnija marks on their necks. I saw some of them look at me oddly and one of them even pointed at me but they never came to talk to me. Guess they thought I was off limits or something with Cain standing here with me. To be fair I was off limits anyway because of Dimitri...

I missed him so much, his touch, his scent, his soothing words... All of a sudden a rush of memories flooded through my mind of the times Dimitri and I lived through together. His expression when he saw me after Mason's death appeared and then my freshest memory of him. The scene of the blond Strigoi biting into his neck played in slow motion and I felt like crying and destroying everything in sight again. I wanted to find that blond Strigoi and torture him myself for hurting my love. I wanted him to pay like I'd never wanted anything more - other than Dimitri of course - in my life.

"Oi Roza are you alright?" Cain asked placing a hand on my shoulder which I slapped away. Confusion shone in his eyes and it was a few moments before understanding dawned in his eyes.

Another hand clamped down on my shoulder and this one was firm. I tried to turn around to see who it was but Cain held me firmly. Then the hand disappeared and I span around searching the crowd. The rage was still there in my veins but it was now at a bearable level. Riya was on stage again and this time there was something different about her. I couldn't pin point what it was but somehow she seemed lethal. She looked as if she wanted to destroy the world but I knew that she held that emotion in check. I could see the war going on internally from her eyes. She looked passionate and violent from the outside but her eyes shone as though she was going through some tough war.

She grabbed the mic again and before anyone knew the song changed.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there

Become so tired so much more aware

I'm becoming this all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you