Everything is gone. I am gone, and my feelings are gone from me. I cannot feel emotion, I cannot feel physical pain. If I could, I'm sure it would be the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. My limbs are torn from my body, my body is torn from me, and all around me is a burning cold, icy flames. The darkness presses onto me, into me, threatening to crush me, and yet I am blinded by light. It burns my eyes, I'm sure I am blind. All I can see is the light, the flashing colors, the burning, burning light. I want to close my eyes, but I can't. I have no control, no nerves, no connection. I can't cover my eyes, I can't look away, I am forced to stare into the burning, blinding light. I am dead. I am dead. There is nothing else it could be. I cannot feel, yet I am blind, hot, cold, dead. This is what it is like to die. And then... suddenly... I can feel again, it is glorious, wonderful to feel. But only for a short time. Seconds or centuries, I do not know how long the rapture lasted, and then the pain returns. My eyes burn with the light, my body crushes under the dark. My body is reunited, reconnected, I am one, and yet I cannot stand it much longer. I am a ragdoll, being sewn back together by a thousand needles, pricking, burning, hurting. The blood races through my veins. And then I am thrown, hurling through time and space, tumbling, turning, tossed like a speck of dust in a tornado. Yes, that is how it feels, a doll, a speck of dust. I am weak, small, insignificant as dust in this infinite nothing, this infinite everything. And yet I can feel, I can feel the pain, I can feel myself flying. And then...
BAM!
The only thing that is real is the ground I am hitting. I clutch at it, groping on the cold, hard floor, terrified that gravity would once again betray me to that void. And then I remember, I need to breathe, and it feels so long since beautiful oxygen has entered my lungs. I draw in a slow, shaky breath, the delicious air pouring through my body, down into my legs, up into my brain, into my heart. I exhale, spitting out the air, choking, gasping in more air as quickly as I can. I am still on the ground, clutching it, and I see a small puddle underneath my face. For the first time I notice the tears of agony, of terror, streaming down my face. I don't care, I let them fall. I keep gasping in air, choking on it, and exhaling, gasping, choking, exhaling. I vomit, and then I roll onto my back, still gasping, and close my eyes. I open them slowly, and I see a figure. I concentrate, trying to get my mind to work. It's a woman, I see now. Wavy brown hair crowned with a pink bonnet, and a long blue dress that falls over her like a waterfall. She is beautiful, and I think maybe I have seen her before. Maybe she can help me, maybe she knows what happened. I grunt, testing my vocal chords. They seem to work, so I try to speak.
"W-what," I gasp "Was that?" She looks at me, concerned.
"You don't remember?" she asks. Another woman walks up and stands next to her. She is taller than the first, has blond hair that is pulled back into a bun and spectacles on her nose, and her white blouse and green skirt look brand new.
"She doesn't remember anything! Nothing, not even me! Will she be all right?" the first woman tells the second. I want to comfort her, but it would take too much effort to speak, to tell her that I'm okay now. Then she turns to me again. "Do you remember who I am?" No. I don't remember. I don't know you. And then I look into her eyes. Everything comes crashing back, hitting me so hard I shake. I hear screaming, and I think that I am doing it, but I'm not sure. The woman, my mother, kneels down and holds me and lets me cry into her arms.
"I remember," I whisper. "I remember it all now." She holds me as if I were a very young girl again, stroking my hair, rocking back and forth. I stare up at her, my vision still burry with tears. "It didn't work. I failed."
"No, Gwen, not at all. You didn't fail. It wasn't your fault. It was only the first try. You were... stuck, I suppose you could say. Something went wrong with the chip on your brain, but its fixed, and we can try again whenever you're ready."
