secret; little jaebum

Nicknames

Jaebum didn't know how he had ended up with the role of 'father' in Got7. It made no sense, at all. Even his members said, in some cases, that Jaebum was the one who acted the most like a child behind cameras – and there was a reason for that, but Jaebum would rather die than to let the others know–, so it really confused him that he was one of the parents in the group, the mother being Jinyoung, of course.

Or maybe it did make sense. Because there was a side of him that he hated and worked hard to suffocate and hide as it embarrassed him to no end. And maybe, among trying to hide it, he'd taken the exact opposite role than the one he wanted – although he'd never admit to wanting it – to perform. So yeah, maybe it made sense.

The fact was that, although he liked the way the members trusted him and went to him for help, it wasn't really what Jaebum wanted. Jaebum wanted, well, he wanted to be taken care of and to be looked after, not to be the one looking after the others. And this made him feel even worse, because it was a selfish thought. And so Jaebum continued playing his role, pretending that he was ok.

But in all honesty, Jaebum wasn't so strong.

The most memorable slip-up, was when Jaebum was alone in his room just last night.

The dorm was quiet, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. He thought nothing of anyone being around to bother him, seeing as though Jackson and Jinyoung had gone out to eat as relaxation and the maknaes went bowling. Even if Mark was there, he's not one to just barge into his room.

Jaebum had his night planned so perfectly, nothing could ruin it. He'd work on some songs for a little, do some monitoring, eat, and then actually relax while watching some really cheesy drama. But of course, luck was not on his side of the equation.

He had already finished working on the songs for the night and the monitoring went smooth. But when he went to the kitchen, it happened. Jaebum opened the refrigerator and a bright pink sticky note popped out at him. The sticky note read, "For Jaebumie" with a cute little boxy smile.

That nickname...it sparked something warm inside him. He quickly snatched the item and headed back to his room. He suddenly realized that the box he was holding was a small, pink carton of strawberry milk, his favorite drink. He remembered Mark saying that he would buy some for him today.

On his way back to his room, he bumped into Mark, who looked like he just woke up. His eyes were still closed slightly and he kept yawning.

"Oh, hey Jae-" Mark yawned, "-bum." He stretched and groaned before actually looking at Jaebum. He noticed the carton in his hand and smiled. "I see you found my gift. Enjoy it, Jaebumie." The shorter man leaned up and pet Jaebum's hair. He smiled and headed to the bathroom.

Jaebum stood there for a while, a small giggle escaping his lips after the bathroom door shut.

"Thank you, hyung."

///

Jaebum locked himself in his room that night. He was on that edge of slipping and he did not want or need that. He tried action movies, scary shows, he even tried reading, but nothing could shake that feeling he had in his gut.

Maybe if I sleep, it'll pass, Jaebum wondered. He started to lay down but as so he started to drift, his thumb came up to his mouth. He quickly dropped his hands to his sides and sat up as panic started to set in.

He was on the verge of tears at this point. He wasn't fully in little space, but he could feel it and there was nothing he could do. He felt weak and helpless and dumb. He wish he could just go into Mark's, hop in his bed, and ask him for a cuddle. Of course practically he could, but little Jaebum overthought things. Regardless, he felt small and he wanted someone to hold him and coddle him.

Jaebum made up his mind. Little or not, he was going to march down to Mark's room and just ask. He grabbed his snorlax plushie that a fan had gifted him from a fansign, which he sneakily kept under his bed. Dragging his blanket and a pillow with him, he shuffled to Mark's room and knocked on the door softly. There was silence for a while and Jaebum knocked again, harder. This time there was a confused "Hm?" and soft sounds of feet moving behind the door. Mark opened the door and gazed at Jaebum.

"Jaebum? You need something?" Mark asked slowly. He glanced at the blanket, pillow, and snorlax doll in his hands.

"Um, Can I...would if it be okay if...I could sleep in here?" Jaebum managed as he hugged his pillow tighter. He felt small and couldn't look at Mark.

Mark didn't falter. "Ah~, sure Bummie. Come on in." He smiled enough to make Jaebum feel less nervous, his heartbeat finally going back to normal. Jaebum walked into the room after Mark and close the door behind him. He went to the couch that was along the wall and sat. Mark noticed and asked,

"You wanna sleep in the bed with me?" Jaebum lit up at the question again and nodded eagerly.

"What? Use your words, Bummie." Mark giggled softly. Jaebum smiled at the nickname and said a simple "Yes." If he wasn't little before, he was definitely little now.

Mark pulled him towards the bed and flopped down as Jaebum crawled in after him. He wrapped his blanket around himself and snuggled with his snorlax. Mark almost cooed at the sight of their cute leader.

That night, Jaebum fell asleep to the sound of Mark's steady heartbeat, with his thumb in his mouth and his favorite cartoon on Mark's TV. He felt safe.

Sadly, that wasn't the case forever.

<oh hello! i hope u enjoyed the first chapter of "Secret"! i think i'm really gonna enjoy writing this! please feel free to vote, share, and leave a comment!

kayden>