What does it feel like to be loved?

I want to be down

I lay in my bed and wonder where life is going to take me. I hate being sixteen it's the hardest time of your life. I promise believe me, I've been on this earth for 16 years and this is by far the hardest year. Shauna, get your ass down stair and wash them got damn dishes! says my momma Teresa.

Now if you never met a true Bitch my momma is one for ya. She always throwing bitch fits mad at the world. As I walk down stairs she stares at me with a dead look before I can even get a word out she screaming and cussing again. Why the fuck you walking so slow, walk the fuck up. I'm not asking you to wash the dishes I'm telling you, move a little faster, with your goose neck ass. said Teresa. What I told you? The definition of a bitch. As I'm washing the dishes I get a text from Kristen.

Kristen really has a special place in my heart she's beautiful, smart , and did I mention she's a volleyball player. You know what that mean, she got that ass. I met her my freshman year when she came to open gym in the purple and white cheetah print Nike volleyball shorts. She stood 5'9 and caramel color. When it was time to pick teams she picked mines. And from that very moment we've been inseparable. Kristen stayed close by as a friend but for awhile she has been pushing to be more that, almost as if she wants to date me or some shit. I mean I was aware of her being a lesbian but, I'm not no lesbian, atleast I don't think. She cute and all but, I mean I don't mind trying new things but dating a girl? Nah, she tripping. I mean we kissed or whatever it felt good yet, I have a boyfriend.

I mean if Trevor found out about the shit I've done with Kristen, he would kill me. Trevor been with me since forever, its like he's my rock. I fuck with him tough, I mean tougher than beef jerky that's three weeks old. I know he would never leave me, we've done , know , and been through thing no normal high school couple experience. But if he found out about Kristen, I honestly don't know what he would do. I don't want him to leave me yet, I would be devastated if Kristen left me. They both have been down for me. Trevor is my tall drink of chocolate milk. He stands 6'1, brown skinned and smoother than a shot of Hennessey. He my number one hooper, and I will forever be his number one fan. When I say number one, I mean number one, I taking down his stats, I'm at practice, and you already know I'm at the game. He has wanted to date since sixth grade. I finally gave him a chance freshman year. And every moment afterwards has been a living dream.

I honestly don't know why either one of them want me. I'm a chubby volleyball player, 5'1 with a Tonka truck. That's what Trevor call my butt. I know he's a little lame however, he my boyfriend so fuck what you think.

* BUZZ* my phone vibrates. " Hey

bae, what you doing,are you ignoring me?" Oh shit I forgot Kristen texted me. As I walk back up stairs I text her. " Girl ain't nobody ignoring , girl you know I love you." In the middle of typing my message here come Teresa loud mouth ass to ruin a nigga good mood. Her loud mouth ass. Shauna Janelle Morgan, who the fuck are you texting? It better not be that hoe Kristen. You know I don't like her gay ass she just trying to use you. You not gay bitch, so don't text her. says Teresa.

Honestly Teresa don't know shit about me. What I do is my business, I don't know why the fuck she so concerned with my life. She only mad because she can't get a man, that's worth shit. And I have both, honestly she just a hater bitch.

The relationship I share with Teresa is nonexistent. She's a cruel woman, who doesn't care for other people feelings, an all over bad mom. If their was a way I could have picked my mom, I would've picked anyone but Teresa. I'm tired of living with her, but it's cool I plan on moving out as soon as June 3rd come around, I only have one more year. I don't have to worry about Teresa no more.

Teresa fail to realize she doesn't dictate my decisions. I never said I was gay, yet she always assuming something. Kristen cute and all, as far as leaving Trevor for, I doubt that will ever happen.

I go upstairs to call Kristen, she said there was something she wanted to talk to me about. As I pick up my phone to call her I get a call from Trevor. I answer and sing " B. A. B. Y there goes my baby on my line ". In the middle of me singing, he says "I know Shauna".

What the hell can he be talking about, is he talking about Kristen? Oh my god I think he found out! What am I going to do ? What am I going to say? Oh shit, do I lie, or do I tell the truth? I take a deep breath and say, " What are you talking about Trevor? ". And in the next moment I thought my life was coming to an end.