The Other Me

19. Lian

Shoutout to messyfirstdraft for the new cover! The story is now titled "The Other Me" instead of "What's inside my Head?". I like it a lot more, since it's shorter and more catchy. So WimH is now TOM :D

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I drop down on the passenger seat, feeling fucking defeated and worried shit because Julian's presence is just a distant sliver of thoughts and feelings. He's never felt this far away before. It's unnerving. And, of course, it's my fault. Everything is my fault. I screwed up so badly this time, and it feels like he's the one paying the price.

"Ju?" Bran asks quietly and puts a hand on my shoulder, causing me to flinch just as he squeezes reassuringly. At least I suppose that's what he was going for. I scowl at him. Not that he deserves it, but shit, someone does and he's the only one around. Quickly, Bran pulls away.

"So, I take it things didn't go well?" he sighs, sinking back into his seat. Well, depends on what he's talking about. As weird as it sounds, I'm more worried about Julian than Ginny. He'll come around. He's always come around. And it's not like waiting isn't my speciality, so really, no immediate concern.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. Hell, I should've gone myself and kicked that fucking bastard-"

"Bran, it's fine. We actually got around to talking, after Ginny hit-"

"He what?" he asks, absolutely incredulous. Hell, they were at each other's throats just days ago. Don't get why he's so surprised. I shrug, and Bran narrows his eyes accusingly. "It's one thing if he has to go fuck that prick, but I'm not going to let him lay a hand on you."

I snort, because Bran has no idea in what ways Ginny has laid his hands on me before, and I'm fucking sure he wouldn't approve of half of them. Not that it really matters.

"As I said, things went well. He only hit me once, and it's not like I don't deserve it."

"You don't," Bran states firmly. His fingers are gripping the wheel tightly, though he's not even driving. I sigh. "Seriously, that wasn't you."

"No, Bran, it was me," I give in, and when he looks into my eyes, I can see the wheels working as his expression changes to something like 'Oh my fucking god, it's you'. Yeah, it's me. He gulps visibly, then chuckles. Great, this isn't awkward at all.

"Where's Julian?" he asks, then clears his throat, glancing around uncomfortably, "I mean, the other Julian."

Not like I don't know who you're talking about. Hell, it's always about him. Everyone loves him. I get it. God, I sometimes wish I didn't, but I do. He's the most stupid, yet cutest thing ever. So oblivious and nice and really just a good kid. Totally the opposite of who I am.

"Up here," I tell him, tapping against my head. If anything, he looks even more tense know. "He just needs a time-out. Don't worry, 'kay? He'll be back in your arms in an hour or so."

I hope so. If not, I'm screwed. Never thought I'd ever say this. But shit, now that everyone knows I'm not him, there's no playing around anymore. And if he's not back soon, I'm sure they'll start hating on me. My heart sinks. To them, I'm just an impostor. I'm sure Bran hates me. Ginny does, that's for sure. And he's got every reason to.

Groaning, I throw my head back and bury my face in my hands. This is so fucked up. It's always been so fucked up, but not so fucked up. This is just a completely new degree and hell, I have no idea what to do. I thought I'd gotten used to being in control of this body, but so much for that.

"Ju, are you-," Bran stops midsentence and I drop my hand to get a look at his confused expression. He pulls his brows together. "Can I even call you that? I mean, if he's Ju, then you're what? Lian?"