Exu

Skipping

Why go to class today?
Probably because you pay an outrageous amount for tuition.
One day couldn't hurt, you're so close to graduating.
I take a look at the campus as I drive by.
Damn, I think, I was gonna turn in there. But I don't turn around, I keep driving until I get to my place, the only place in this whole world where I feel like home. The waterfall. It's not a big waterfall, probably not even as tall as me but it's my place, and the running water soothes me. I sit by the waterfall for at least an hour before I feel it again. I feel... off. I sit up slowly, yet I still get dizzy and suddenly the world isn't real, it's fuzzy, just barely, a mirage set against a stone temple. Maybe the matrix or a simulation. I don't know but I know it is not real. Nothing exist outside this moment and this place, no one and nothing. A deep breath and suddenly it's real again, but I cannot get that feeling off of me. It is like a slimy fish falling down my spine and wrapping me in a loveless caress whispering to me my greatest fear. You're alone it says you do not matter. As I think this the sun begins to shine on my face like someone moved the trees. I grasp the ground beneath me and I'm back, and everything is okay. There is sun and ground and I'm grounded. Suddenly there is a rustle in the trees, I stand up quickly, but Russell steps out. Russell is my friend and he has been for years. It's okay, I tell myself, it's okay. I attempt a small smile at him even though this feels off, everything about him being here just feels wrong. He smiles but it isn't the smile I know. "Hey Lily Billy, what's up?" Ignoring the pang in my chest I smile at him, "You know I hate that nickname, Russ." He shrugs and he's already on to the next topic. Typical Russ, I think, but even saying it feels wrong. He doesn't feel like Russ, Russ feels like safety, but I brush it off. "So?" Too late, I realize I haven't been listening. "Oh yeah, sure." He smiles, but it isn't a sweet smile, not a Russ smile. He begins to move closer to me. My eyes widen. "What are you doing?" He grins again. "You agreed, you want this." I shake my head and step in the other direction where my back hits a solid tree. "I'm sorry, Russ, I wasn't actually listening." Tsk tsk tsk. He clicks his tongue at me. "Never listening." He smiles but he still steps toward me. His hand comes up and he slides his thumb over my collarbone, staring at me. I don't want this. "Please don't." I try to say but he shushes me. He leans in for a kiss when SMACK. It takes a moment to feel the burn in my hand when I realize what I've done. What the HELL was that? I don't waste time though, I start to run. Fight or flight and I will ALWAYS chose flight. I get back to my car and am struggling with the keys when I hear heavy footsteps behind me. Fuck. I slide the key in the door. I don't wait for him to try to give an explanation, as soon as he steps into the clearing I'm off, driving as far away as I can. I stop only when I get to my apartment, I lock myself inside, sliding off my shoes. I pour myself a glass of cheap wine and, deciding I'm not hungry, opt to make my way to bed where I drink and read until I fall asleep.

My tongue is dry, is my first though. Damn it's cold is my second.
Fuck.
I jump in shock, why did I think that?
Opening my eyes I find myself standing in front of a large man who smells strongly of whiskey and Red Bull. I try to speak but my mouth won't move. "What is it you want?" I speak, but it isn't me, I did not say that. I start to scream inside my head, fighting anything I can do. I am silenced by a hushed voice. Watch. Listen. As I do not seem to have any other options, I obey. "I want my children gone, dead, shipped away, I don't care. Just gone." My body doesn't react for a moment, as if not-me is considering his words. I hold my breath. "Why should I take this deal?" The man puffs up. "Why shouldn't you? My souls just as good as the next one. This is a simple request, it's all I want and my soul is yours." I freeze. I holt in shock when I realize I've tuned out and I now have the man against the wall with my hand around his throat. "Actually," I smile at him, "you're wrong. Your soul is not as good as the next one because it's poisoned. You're already going to hell, but just so you know, when you get there, you'll be punished. We don't hurt children where I'm from." The man gasps, and claws at my hand, leaving long red marks down my fingers, "And," gasp, "where is that?" I feel anger, but not my anger. Not-me's anger is bubbling in my chest, an anger unlike anything I've ever felt. I lean close to the mans face, so close I can smell the sour smell of old food and stale cigarettes. "Hell." I whisper. And everything goes black.