Herb the Very Gay Chihuahua Man

1

The faint aroma of peaches filled the air, drifting through the old cottage much like the sunlight did, bringing some element of light into an otherwise dark room. The cottage wasn't particularly odd, and it certainly wasn't extravagant, but rather, it held a secret deep inside its core. An ancient tomb of long ago, the realtor told Herb, a middle aged man who had bought the house not even a year before we set our scene. Herb, both intrigued and frightened by any element of mystery, but also desperately in need of shelter, willingly purchased the old cottage which sat on the ancient tomb. 

At first, Herb learned to ignore the stairway to his basement. He would walk by on his way to his room, and on his way to work, trying his best to seem unfazed. He wasn't. After all, denial is a very powerful force. Months passed, 6 to be exact, and Herb couldn't take it anymore. He ran outside to his shed, grabbed a hoe, and quickly sprinted back inside before coming to a halt at the stairs. The stairway was dark. Dead, almost. It reminded Herb of something, though he couldn't put his finger on it. As he tiptoed down into the basement, the stairs creaked, and a bead of sweat ran down Herb's brow. Herb, a timid farmer himself, was not used to dealing with things like these. Besides, there were far worse things he needed to focus on. Regardless, he began to mutter to himself. 

"You've got this Herbie." he chuckled as he neared the end of the stairway. His chuckle broke into a laugh. The basement was surprisingly brighter than the staircase. Though at the time, Herb hadn't had the attentiveness to detail to notice, it was certainly odd. He was too focused on the room, which to his surprise, had nothing in it but a medium sized box. He crept up on the box, slowly opening it.

Suddenly, the room went dark. Beams of rainbow light flashed through the walls, and a disco ball fell from the ceiling. Herb, now crying, began to back away, only to find that the stairway was no longer there. As he ran around the room, the grand light show stopped, and the room went back to the way it had been before. Herb sat on the ground panting. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise. A thump. The box! It was moving!

"Oh Herbie, what've I got meself into!?" Herb said, louder this time. He sat against the wall, clenching his face together. Out of the box climbed a skeleton, wearing all rainbow clothing and holding what appeared to be a small dog.

"Ha! Someone dare awake my slumber!?" the skeleton said, in a very homosexual voice. Herb panicked. "Oh, Herbie is sorry. It's just, I've always wondered what was down here and-" The skeleton interrupted him. The man took a step forward. "Your name is Herbie?" the skeleton asked. Herb nodded. "Herb, actually." He quickly responded. "I'm sorry for scaring you Herb. Can I get you anything? A caramel macchiato, perhaps?" Herb giggled. "Sorry, Herbie doesn't drink alcohol." he said. The very homosexual skeleton poured some water into a glass. Herb took a sip. "Well, you best be going," Herb began, "you know the law around here. No homosexuals in the house for more than 11 minutes." The skeleton started to laugh wildly, rolling around on the floor until he rolled up the walls and the ceiling too. He jumped back down onto the ground, landing in a somersault. "Ah, yes my Herb. Then you must be going too." Herb looked confused. "How come?" he questioned. The skeleton smirked. "That water you just drank? It's not really water. It's actually a secret potion that turns you into a very gay chihuahua man! Have fun as one of us!" The skeleton cackled and vaporized. 

Suddenly, Herb's voice went up an octave. Maybe two. His clothes became rainbow, much like the skeleton man's were. "Oh no!" Herbie shouted. "I've become one of the very homosexual chihuahua men!"

To be continued...