Faking a Smile Everyday

Chapter 1:

Sorry this first chapter is only one page, I'll try and make other chapters long.  

My name is, Samantha. I am 18 years old, a senior in high school, wow I can't believe it. I finally made it to my final year, looking back now I am somewhat glad I didn't quit. Right now it is only 12:30 in the afternoon and I am at lunch with a few of my friends. But I am not really paying attention to them. We all been friends since freshman year pretty much but we had our share of up and downs. When I say we had our share I mean we had moments of happiness and moments where we wanted to kill each other, and through it all we came running back to each other. Anyways back to me, I may not seem like the normal teenager everyone else but my friends think I am. But really I am a cutter, burner and an alcoholic. Honestly my life isn't the fake smile I wear everyday, it is more of a living nightmare. Currently I am in an abusive relationship, and in which he also rapes me sometimes when we sleep together. You name it, most likely it has happened to me. I come back to reality when I hear the bell ringing for lunch being over. I walk out of the lunch room getting pushed and shoved by assholes that don't have manners. Finally I made it out in one piece, I grab my 4th period books from the cubby hole and head to 5th period. During the normal school day here it doesn't go by blocks it is periods and there is a total of 6 periods.

Before I walk into my 5th period I swing by my locker dropping off 4th period books and getting my 5th period books that I need and head to the classroom. Once again I get pushed and shoved around because people in this school don't have manners and they think they are all high class shit. But honestly I don't care because its mainly freshman and sophomores that do it. I just remind myself only a few more months then I am out of this hell hole school. As I finally get to my class, I find out that we have a sub today and the teacher scheduled nothing for us to do today. Since we got nothing to do in class I walk up to the sub and ask if I can go to another classroom or to the library. After I get the ok to leave, I gather up my books and head to my locker. While I'm at my locker a group of stuck up bitches, walk by and whisper in the little group thinking I had music playing because I was wearing my ear buds I heard them say names such as goth, emo, slut, cutter, etc. I slam my locker door shut, rolling my eyes making my way towards the library. "Fucking cunts" I mumbled under my breathe as I walk down the hall I start thinking and I pass my friend, Ruby and wave to her. She waved back and we stopped to talk for a little.

      "Hey girl, you ok? You look upset." She says to me, as she goes through her books making sure she has the items she needs.

      "I'm fine, just the usual bullshit!" I say in a bitchy kind of way, because I am anxious to get to the library.

I signed in quickly and went to go sit down. I place my books next to the computer on the desk and turned on the computer to check my email and social media sites. My friend, Matt comes into the library and sits next to me. To make time pass us by we just sit in our chairs talking about random things and general school topics. Glancing at the clock and realizing the bell was about to ring we shut off the computers, give each other a quick hug and then head out of the library toward our lockers. As I head to my locker to grab my school bag and 6th period books, Matt passes me by and gives me a fist pump. I slam my locker door shut and go around the corner downstairs to my 6th period. As I enter thr classroom, I nod at my teacher then head over to my seat at the computer.

6th period flies by, I get all my work completed plus some. As soon as the bell rings I head out of the classroom to my locker, I then go to Rubys locker. From there we wait for Ruby to finish getting her things together. Then we all head out of school for the day. When I say we I mean myself, Ruby, Sophia, Matt, Benjamin, Jack and Jacob. We are one hell of a group of friends.

In the dark, I'm sitting in my bedroom with a knife lying next to me. Everyday, it kills me more and more. Times like these are tough, and who do I turn to when the one person that knows me completely I can not get a hold of. I'm drowning in the thoughts, I can't hold on much longer, but then a voice in my head goes keep pushing just a little more. I look down on my wrists seeing the previous scars. I use to have a few butterflies drawn on top of the scars, but they are gone now. They all had one initial on top of them, so no one really knows who they are for but me. They stand for some of my friends. I know even though they don't act like they don't care about me, they still love me and it would kill them if I was no longer around anymore. I slowly pick up the knife, and hold it tightly in my hand and place it against my thighs. I make 5 new slits on my right thigh some deeper then others, just to eas the pain. I stop for a few moments to watch the blood dribble down my leg. I switch legs and make 5 more slits on my left thigh, and again I stop and watch the blood dribble down. I look at my clock on my nightstand and it says it is 2:00am wow time is flying by now, realizing I have to be up by 6:15 to catch the bus for school I wrap my thighs up to stop the bleeding and get ready for bed and lay down. As I toss and turn I realize I am not going to be sleeping anytime soon, so I pull my phone off my charger and put in my earbuds laying back down in bed blasting music. My eyes start closing slowly and I fall asleep.