What Did I Do

Arrogance

"Keep cool, you're gonna do great." I told myself.

It's not simple to keep friends when they don't even keep promises too. It hurts so much, was i meant to feel this way?

What's this stabbing feeling? Is it anger? Or sadness? Or probably im just down the whole time. Almost everyday, thinking about what did i do wrong..

"I wasn't enough for them. Why did they do this to me?" I gripped myself. Trying to not go beyond the thinking of self destruction. Of course that is, suicide. I shouldn't think about that, they only hurt me through the good times.

Is that what good memories are for?
To reminisce the past and hurt yourself even more?

I guess so. So many times i have sacrificed for them. I gave them my care, my heart, pouring uncontrollably. It never stops. Until i realised i was out of their lives. Did they think, I'm a machine?

That i'm out of service and they threw me out?
No, they won't do that. They never did. They only want the best for you. To make sure you will not get into more intoxicated relationship.

That should be the answer. Instead of backfiring me... right?

"It was HER fault." I screamed internally. She took my friends. Unknowingly that I wasn't alert at all. She was a new student, she's been in the school for years and everyone knows her. She was Mila.

What more can this person do? She just removed the ones she's friended with before. Is that how you make yourself become powerful? Without crediting anybody and you labeled yourself as your own?

Pathetic.

This is how you treat me? When i welcomed you and i supported you and this is what you do to me?

Forget it. Go and have a good future. Whatever your future is, i will never know. Only God knows.

What i would always looked forward, is to cry in my bedroom. After the whole day of school, all the pain I've been holding onto were released like it dispersed in liquid. Like, water, so flexible and comfortable yet they have heavy weight that carries alot of the person's pain.

I had a choice,
To become an introvert,
Or to become the person that can make someone's day.

I used to do that to my friends. Whenever they're down, i'll try to cheer them up by showing a video of fireworks or a funny vine that me and them can relate.

Now it meant nothing anymore. Even now you want to relate with someone, you don't even have one.

I overthink too much on a decision that i lost track of time. Thats when I don't do that anymore.

I walked pass by some of my friends, they waved and smiled, some don't. What strong ego they have.

What are they?

They've become anonymous and Arrogant.