Twin flame - Fred Weasley - Order of the Phoenix

i forgot that you excisted

I sit down at the dinner table and swallow my cry. I have no one to sit with. Matt is sitting in our usual spot, but he has company. Actually, he has a lot of company. Belle, the girl blond girl he talked to earlier. Sarah, Evelyn, Joey, Gale and Elena. All the tolerable Slytherins, well not all of them obviously but the funniest ones anyway. They share his beliefs on equality, unlike me.

I sit at the other side of the table and greet some first graders. They look around with fear in their eyes and I recognize the empty look. I was like them. Alone and scared, not understanding what's happening around me. I should say something to them. Something nice and encouraging, but what?

It gets better'. Well, that's a fucking lie. I ate alone the whole first grade. Now, in the seventh grade, I'm alone again.

I've never been this humiliated. All alone, without having anyone to talk to. I was the popular one. Well, technically I still am, but I had friends. Good friends, people I trusted.

I could sit next to Malfoy and Martinez, but I'm not really in the mood. I feel like some serious shit is going down with Martinez, but I will talk to her when the time comes. Based on the look on her face, the time hasn't arrived yet.

I feel horrible. I am alone and it's all because of me. I have no one to blame but myself. I feel horrible about what I said to her, I feel horrible about the way I behaved towards Matt and how I acted when I walk into the fight between Gryffindors and Slytherins. I feel horrible about what I sad about Granger, I feel horrible about what I said to Fred Weasley about their financial situation and about what I wrote to Sirius in the letter.

Generally, I just feel horrible.

The big pain in my chest stops me from breathing easily. I feel pain everywhere in my body, my mind is sinking into a big blue ocean.

I need someone. Anyone.

I've never really been comfortable with being alone, I've never really had to be alone. I am just so sick of being the 'bad one' in the group, which I've always been. Emily is like the sun. Light, bright, spreading warmth and light everywhere she goes to.

Matt is like the moon. Dark, far away, but beautiful and lights up the sky on the darkest nights.

I am the winter. Cold, hard and difficult to survive in. The world is separated into day and night, but the moon and the sun creat life and light. Winter, is dark and cold, no matter what you do.

I wish I could just trip over a knife or something.

I feel someone sitting in front of me and I slowly look up.

Damon Rickwood.

Fuck this shit.

"Hi." He says and flashes me a perfect smile. His teeth are the best ones I've ever seen. Straight, in a perfect shape and so white it could blind someone. Every dentist's dream. With his brown eyes, dark skin and those plump lips, he could be a model. Maybe someday he will be, I wouldn't be surprised.

"Hi." I say and shove more food into my mouth. Tofu and sweet potatoes, not bad at all.

"I noticed that you were eating alone so I thought I'd come by and say... hi."

He smiles at me, pleased my his, oh, so generous action. Like I'm some charity case that he could just throw some pity over and then leave, feeling good about himself. Expect that's not what's going to do.

He is a snake after all and he has never had a good thought in his mind. He knows I'm lonely because he is good at that stuff. He knows I need someone. He wants to take advantage of this situation, I've seen this scenario happen hundred times before. No matter how deep I sink, I will not seek comfort in him. I might need someone, but it doesn't mean I will just take anyone.