my life

the boy that started it all Part 1

i had a pretty normal chldhood, I never got abused or anything like that at all. I was just a normal kid up until 5th grade when I met a boy now I wont use his real name but i will call him Caleb, now me and Caleb became really close and I started to feel something i have never felt before, I liked him. I never told him up until the last day of 6th grade when I decided to tell him how I felt... It didnt go as planned at all, he just walked away to tell his friends, then he kept coming up to me and asking the same question over and over again "so are we a thing..." and i would answer the same thing each and every time he asked "idk" and then he would walk away, at one point it got a little out of hand and people started to crowd us chanting "date date date date date!" so I ran off pushing everyoe aside and cried because I was so overwelmed and didn't enjoy the attention that was being put on me. Later on he came up to me and said sorry but I told him that it wasn't his fault but later in class I heard him talking about how I was overeacting.

now it was summer vacation and I havent seen Caleb at all, but I have seen his friends ever so often and they were no help what so ever, they called me a bunch of names everytime I saw them and I would get so upset it would just ruin my day completly.

Finally 7th grade started and I thought it would all get better because all the kids in the 6th grade including me was going to go to another school for 7th and 8th grade with some other kids that went to another school but it only got worse. Everyone would talk about me and I got really bad anxiety and always thought that someone was talking about me.

I just started 2nd trimester and my bff Riley told me about how she used to cut herself and showed me really old scars, I remembered everything she said and I was getting closer to the end of the trimester when I found a thumbtack and decided to give it a try, it didn't work and only left a scratch but I kept doing it anyways.

one day I was really depressed and texted my rant buddy (a person I rant to) and told him that I want to die and how I should die and stuff like that, that is when I decided to try to overdose, but apparently my rant buddies mom is a cop and he showed her the texts and she called her boss and police officers went to his house and asked him questions about me then from what I heard police officers came to my house, my parents found me in the bathroom, I was taken to the hospital and when I woke up I had to answer a bunch of questions like "how long has it been since you last scratched or marked your body" and basic questions too like "what's your birthday" then she told me that she is going to be back and see if I need to go to a mental hospital.

When she came back she had a sour look on her face and I already knew what that meant yay hospital time! NOT I was not happy at all she told me that I would be leaving the next morning and I was NOT ready at all!