my life

What I found and did...

Once I was finally out of the hospital everything changed.... I started hearing voices in my head that I hate but I never told anyone about them because I honestly don't want help... I'm too scared to go and try new ways of getting help. But now I'm getting off topic like always so more things that changed are my mom thought it was social medias fault so she got an app that restricted me from social media.... now I couldn't talk to any of my friends... I also started taking anxiety and depression pills, I started going to a therapist... and whenether I act 'overly depressed' my mom would use the hospital as a threat...... I feel that she thinks depression and anxiety and voices is all a choice...

Worse of all

Everyone at school knew...

And that only made it 100% worse and I didn't have any actual blades and it never went through my skin until one night when I was reading a book on wattpad and it said that the character used razors from pencil sharpener to cut himself... so I tried, I was determined to cut through my skin and I did it..... It made me feel calm and forget everything just for a brief second it made me feel something I have never felt before...... Normal.......

So I kept doing it u too one night when instead of cutting I went to get my hair cut short so I look more like a guy, my parents didn't know it was to look as a guy they thought that I just liked the hairstyle and I do I love it!! But it wasn't because I like the hairstyle it was because I  wanted to look more like a boy.....

I have been clean from cutting for awhile now I am so proud of myself but I don't know how much longer I can go

Here is the picture of me that I promised..... ew I look so ugly but it's the only picture I have because I dont like to look at my ugly face..... you can also see the scar marks on my arm in this pic which I hate..