We're Not Criers

We're Killers

Morgan was not an emotional child. Loud, yes, but not emotional. For Morgan to show emotion was equal to death.

She remembered the first time she cried in public. It was also the last.

It was first grade. She'd been going to that school for a total of three months. She didn't like the other kids. They didn't like her. It was a mutual dislike. This made making friends tough.

She missed her old friend, Jimmy. Morgan wished his parents had let him come to this school, instead of moving away. Things would be better if Jimmy were at this school.

As to prove Morgan's point, she got hurt on the playground. A snapped off piece of wood from the well aged playground had lodged itself in her upper thigh.

This was discovered later that night by her mother. The mother had been reasonably horrified at discovery her daughter's injury.

She began doing what any mother would do. "Where did you get this? Why didn't you tell a teacher?"

"I did." Morgan answered.

"Why didn't she tell me?"

"I didn't tell her I was hurt, just that I wanted to see you." Morgan explained.

Her mother gawked at her. "Morgan this could've been very serious! You should have told your teacher about this!"

"I didn't wanna tell her." Morgan argued loudly.

"You should have done that!" Her mother scolded. "Why didn't you?"

Morgan decided in that moment to never tell her mother anything ever again, not if she was going to react like this every time.

"The other kids saw me crying. It would've been stupid to tell them why." Morgan explained to her mother, who must so silly to not understand. "I'm not a crier."

She spent the rest of her life proving it.

==WNC==

The next time Morgan said those words, she'd just been attacked by a giant spider.

She didn't cry. Not once.

==WNC==

She came too close to crying after her first death.

Morgan had been disgusted with herself. For nearly crying, of course. She'd lost enough that day. She didn't need to lose her dignity too.

Though if she cried that night, she did it without making a sound and would deny it to her (final) dying day.

==WNC==

There were many near misses as the decades went by.

People noticed Morgan's cut off emotional attitude. Emotions seemed a foreign concept to the girl. She would smile and laugh with the best of them. She could get angry, and feel loss. She never showed it.

Someone asked her about it once. She was coming back from a case, a bad one. A lot of people had died. One of them the wife of a friend to Morgan.

They asked her, "Aren't you upset?"

"I should." She answered. "But I won't cry. It's just not who I am."

==WNC==

SASHA was another time Morgan wished she could cry.

Except, much like SASHA, Morgan was too robotic to cry.

==WNC==

There was a time she wished she could. When a vicious beast had taken over her mind, forced her to do terrible things.

Morgan had wanted to cry.

She didn't.

She couldn't.

Because doing that would have meant Morgana broke her.

Morgan would rather have died than let that happen.

==WNC==

Darcy Anderson was much like Morgan. The two girls never cried, ever. Not when their parents died, when they were put in foster care, or when they were told they'd be leaving the only home Darcy had ever known.

Darcy didn't shed a tear.

Now, Morgan was aware of how odd that made them look.

"They're going to wonder why you're not crying." Morgan remarked to Darcy one afternoon, as they walked home from school.

Darcy shrugged. She pulled her backpack up higher on her shoulders. "They'll wonder about you too."

Morgan didn't have an answer for that.

"Mommy and Daddy dying didn't make me sad." Darcy explained. "It made me annoyed, and then I wasn't annoyed no more."

"Any more." Morgan corrected.

"You're a nerd." Darcy taunted. "Why don't you cry?"

"I'm not a crier." Morgan replied.

"I'm not a crier either." Darcy grinned so toothily that Morgan could see her pointed teeth. "I'm a killer."

==WNC==

Lilac Melody was Morgan's greatest treasure.

For a multitude of reasons, including being her first daughter. One of the big ones that Morgan saw Lilac have emotions.

The first time Lilac had a nightmare was the worst and best night of Morgan's life. Lilac had walked in Morgan's room, still sobbing. Morgan's heart broke at hearing her daughter's sobs, seeing even through the darkness her small body shaking with them.

Morgan tucked Lilac in beside her, reassuring her like all parents did with their children during nightmares. She kissed Lilac's head as the dragon went back to sleep.

She didn't shed a single tear.

For that, it was the best night ever. Morgan knew that no matter if she ended up being a terrible parent, at least her daughter knew how to cry.

==WNC==

Then Darcy died.

For the second time in her life, Morgan Spencer cried in public.

She'd never felt more pain in her life, because her sister's words from thirty years ago came back to haunt her.

"I'm not a crier either. I'm a killer."

Morgan came to the startling realization, she was one too.