mermaid 》 alemanda ✔

chapter eleven.

alesha

I attempted to get the wrinkles out of my dress as I stood in front of the door of Amanda's flat. I knocked on the door, drawing in a deep breath. I didn't know why I was nervous because I shouldn't have been. It was just going to be dinner with Amanda so we could get to know each other better but it did sound like it was a date.

Amanda opened the door and she greeted me with a smile, bringing me into her small flat. It was a cute, little place and it was an open floor plan. Her kitchen, living room, and dining area were all in one big room with a small wall separating the living room area from the kitchen and dining area. Her place looked like she had been living in it longer than what she had.

Amanda had been living at her for a little under three months now and we had barely gotten to know each other during drama club rehearsals.

"Dinner is almost ready," Amanda spoke. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"Sure," I replied. "I'll just have water."

I sat down at one of the kitchen table chairs and Amanda handed me a bottle of water from the fridge. We talked about how the rehearsals for the musical were going and I came up with an idea to have a lock in at the school for the drama club members before the show.

The props and costumes closets both needed to be cleaned out badly and Amanda and I both didn't have the time to do it by ourselves. It would be easier to make it into a fun activity for the drama club kids to do. Amanda got our dinner out of the oven and she handed me a plate filled with food.

"Do you want wine with dinner, Alesha?" Amanda asked, a smile playing across her lips. I nodded my head. She poured out two glasses of wine and set one of them in front of me.

"Thanks," I replied. I took a sip of it and set the glass back down. "I haven't had wine in forever."

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We continued to talk over dinner and I was beginning to slowly get to know Amanda better. We talked about what we liked in relationships and I did mention Azuka. Amanda paled when she heard me talk about my boyfriend but she didn't know about the things that was going on in the relationship. I didn't want to tell her about it.

"What do you see in an ideal partner?" I questioned Amanda. She blushed with the question and took a sip of her wine to stall. We had both finished eating and were onto drinking our second glasses of wine.

"I like it when she's tall and comfortable to cuddle with and easy to talk to. She needs to have a good sense of humour when she's with me," Amanda replied. Her eyes widened in realization with what she had just admitted.

"Are you lesbian or bisexual, Amanda?" I asked, looking down at my empty plate.

"Lesbian. I didn't want you to find out about it," Amanda replied quietly. "I didn't want it to mess with our relationship because it'll always be on your mind that you work with a lesbian and you've been cuddling her during drama club rehearsals."

I wanted to admit to Amanda that I felt safe and loved around her and that I was starting to, maybe, develop feelings for her but I didn't. I stayed silent, not wanting the confession to slip out of my mouth unwanted. She didn't ever need to know and it was becoming obvious that she had romantic feelings for me. She thought that I was straight and I wanted to keep it that way.

"Thanks for dinner, Amanda. I need to be getting back to my flat and my boyfriend," I spoke, getting up from my seat. Amanda looked down at her plate and she mumbled a goodbye to me. I let myself out of her flat and I was starting to regret what I had said. I hadn't intentionally wanted to say that to Amanda and it sounded harsh when I had said it.

I had basically rejected Amanda and had left her by herself. I didn't know how it was going to affect our work relationship and us as friends. Now I was afraid of what I was going to say to Amanda to apologize for my actions.

amanda

Alesha had rejected me after I had come out to her unintentionally. I hadn't wanted to come out to her. She was straight and had basically said it when she had left my flat half an hour ago. I was still in the same position and my legs and neck were beginning to hurt. I made myself stand up and I collected the dishes from the table. Alesha had only drank half of her second glass of wine while I had drained mine dry.

I poured what was left of her wine into my wine glass. I drank the wine that I had transferred into my glass in a couple of sips. I put the dirty dishes and Alesha's wine glass into the sink, planning on washing them in the morning. I poured myself another glass of wine, making it my third wine glass.

I sat down on the couch, setting the wine glass on the stand by the arm rest. I traced patterns into the arm of the couch, letting the tears begin to fall. I wiped them away hastily and I took a sip of wine. There was nothing much that I could do to fix my relationship with Alesha. It would be impossible to fix it and with my luck, she would push me away as well.

Our relationship was going to be strained now because I had come out to her and she was straight. I wanted to have a normal female friendship for once in my life. I didn't have that many female friends as most of them would leave when I told them that I was lesbian. I had more male friends than female and I just wanted a relationship where I could relate to someone. That would not be impossible to have with Alesha.

I would have to detach myself from her to try and stop my feelings for her. It was a fat chance that she had feelings for me as well. She had probably already figured out that I had feelings for her. It only made me cry harder with the thought of Alesha trying to block me out of her life because I was lesbian.

She couldn't be homophobic. She was too kind and sweet to me to be homophobic but people always changed. They always changed their feelings about me when the makeup came off of my face and they could see the port-wine stain and they would break up. I was never a perfect girlfriend.

I could never fit the mold that I tried to force myself into. It never worked and it always ended up with me getting hurt in the end. It would be for the best if Alesha and I didn't talk unless it was purely necessary for drama club rehearsals.

But we still had to plan the lock in that Alesha had thought of. I didn't know if we would be able to repair our friendship to do that. It would be impossible to even try. I finished the third glass of wine and I went into my bathroom. I washed the mascara stains off of my face and washed off my foundation.

I turned on the shower and got it, making sure that it was boiling hot. It reminded me that I was alive and took my mind off of Alesha for a couple of minutes while I got used to the heat. I washed myself quickly and dried off just as quickly. I went back into the kitchen when I had pyjamas on, pouring out the last glass of wine left in the wine bottle.

I knew that I was going to regret having four glasses of wine plus half of Alesha's but I needed it. I didn't want to think about her. I didn't care that I was going to end up with a hangover in the morning. I wanted to forget all of what had happened with Alesha.

I drank the fourth glass quickly and set it into the sink with Alesha's wine glass. I went back into the bathroom and brushed my teeth to get the taste of the wine out of my mouth. I slipped into bed and hugged one of my pillows, burying my face into it. The tears started to come again, harder this time and I didn't attempt to stop it.

There was no way I would be able to stop crying. The one person I had romantic feelings for had rejected me.

[] hey guys! Amanda came out unintentionally and it's causing some friction between the women. What do you think is going to happen next and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!