Wake up in a wuxia world.. (BL)

~Parte 1 ~

I'm lying in my bed turning off my phone after reading those stories of fantasy that I love so much, I prepare to sleep I put my body on one side and I compose my pillow gently to make it possible to rest from a long day full of stress and full of problems , lately I have trouble sleeping, I always suffer from imsonio, because before sleep I always blame myself every day for having such a miserable life thanks to my fears, I am one of those people who are always afraid of what people say about me, well It became a habit when I was little, people always looked for an excuse to make fun of me, always telling me that I was fat, ugly, strange and my friends that in time I thought they were always talking bad about me.

Tsk tsk tsk ..I click my tongue several times and then I go thinking again about the same thing, sometimes I really think how I would like to torture the people who hurt me in that entoces and give me a big slap for leaving me also in that entoces,

jaaa (breathe deeply), I better have to think what I do now I am 25 years old and I would have to be married with a family, and a formal job and a loving husband, but I really do not want that for me sometimes I look at the interactions between my mother and my father I do not have a bad family but I see the times that my mother holds my father with every mistake he makes, like when I cheat her 3 times, the debts that are acomulating because of her the violent thing that sometimes is, maybe I think I can not forgive him for how he treated us before, it was very violent the way to punish us earlier for him was to hit us with his fist or kick us in the stomach until we were out of breath, the last time I hit was when I I leave a purple eye and I hit several daggers hahaha maybe that was the reason it was the last time is because I get so angry that scratches his face so severely that he still carries those marks ha ha ha ha..

So I also remember the last boyfriend of my sister she was also fooled by him several times but she did not say anything because she was afraid that if he said something he would leave her and could not find someone to marry after she is 28 years old. Nearly 30, but well apparently that did not work and the guy finally left her begged him but he simply told her that he was bored with her and that she was not the right one, my sister spent a lot of time crying for the 3 years if I'm not wrong and she does not forget she always talks to me about it, they are frustrating since I love my older sister, she is very different from me there are many people who love her I can not say she is humble person but is kind once in a while, with me she treats me very well the truth I love her.

from my family I am the stranger I suffered a lot from harassment but it was not from the strong, it was only the jokes, I do not remember how old I started to suffer them but in each place that I studied always those people found something to say about me maybe it was because My overweight or maybe it was because I was a tomboy hahaha the truth I do not know but every time they pointed my finger they laughed at something and the only thing I could do was turn my face and try not to cry, over the years I tried to people did not find reasons to make fun of me and they did not do it but I always felt strange around them I did not belong with them they were horrible, in that moment I started behaving like an egoist the truth I did not care if someone hurt him or if things that hurt other people I just wanted to live for me but in the end I'm always lonely, wishing I could one day die and never wake up but I have I do not know what would happen to me I do not know if I would suffer when I die if God might make me pay everything bad that done,

I'm afraid hahaha so typical of me I'm always afraid not ...

Well it's time to sleep I always complain about the same thing, it's always the same thought.

Damn I can not sleep ...

I take a break and I settle in my bed to sit cross-legged and I take a cigar from my bedside table if what are those of mint and blueberry flavor, I put my favorite song ...

and I look at the dark sky with the stars on high while, I raise my hand up high perhaps so that they realize my existence and give my life the change I need ...

I close my eyes and I laughed with a low and stupid smile, like what I am I'm getting tired of always begging for that to happen again and again I breathe the last thing that I have left of my cigarette, I worked my teeth and I go to sleep accommodating me again for one more day, I close my eyes and sleep peacefully ....

(noise of trees and wind).........

sorry if there is something they can not understand my first language is not English if you have some suggestions of my vocabulary I would appreciate it just hope you do not treat me so bad is my first time and I am not a professional, it is just a script to kill my time.

I thank you for your kisses ...