My Random Thoughts

This is random but its fine.

Stop.
Can I press pause,
Can I stay right here?

All those things you did
All those things you tried.

Shhhh
Can you hear me cry at night?
Shhhh
Can you hear my heart beating slow?

Mom asked where I was hurting
She said she could take the pain away.
But when the scars won't heal
And the pain is real,
Why does she care?

Dad said I was his princess,
He was the king.

See-I don't feel like a princess.
I feel dirty-tainted.

Dad said if anyone ever hurt me
They would regret it.
Dad, you hurt me.
Do you regret it?

When I confronted you and told you what you did,
You looked me right in the eyes and denied it.
Do you believe your lies?
Do you hide from yourself like I do?

You didn't love me like a daughter.
You didn't love me like a girl.
You loved me like a woman, while I hid behind my tears.

You said you would do anything for me.
Why is that so hard to imagine?
Why is your memory so painful?

I feel every hit you ever delivered.
Every bruise, every scar.
Every touch that wasn't innocent.

When I hurt myself I wanted it to hurt worse than when you hurt me.
It never did.

When I popped those pills I wanted to erase the memories.
I never did.

When I sleep I try to dream of good things and happiness.
I never do.

It's all because of you.