Seeing Stars || BTS TaeGi

A trip down memory lane

I woke up with the sun. Despite the sunlight, it was still chilly. A soft breeze blew, ruffling my hair slightly. Taehyung shivered as the wind blew, so I took the part of the blanket that was on me and draped it over him.
"Yoongi, are you-" Seokjin started as he slid the glass door open, "Why is Taehyung sleeping on you? Were you two out here all night!?"
"Shh!" I whisper-shouted, "He's still asleep. And yes, we were." Taehyung made a whining noise and tried to snuggle up against me for warmth, "Great, now we've disrupted him. Go away."
Seokjin gave me a look, "Why do you care so much?"
"I don't." I tried to play it cool, but I could feel my cheeks getting warm.
"Sure you don't," Seokjin rolled his eyes, "You never let anyone do that to you." He made a vague hand gesture to the sleeping Taehyung cuddled against my shoulder, "Admit it, you care."
"Do not." I replied flatly, "I thought Namjoon put a TaeGi ban, you're not allowed to talk about me and Tae."
Seokjin gave me a look, "You were asleep for that conversation?"
Fuck, "I woke up enough to hear it." Even though I was not confident in my response at all, I said it as calmly as I could.
Seokjin went to respond, but was cut off by more whining sounds from Taehyung. I stroked his hair and wrapped the blanket around him a little tighter.
"How are we not supposed to talk about it?" Seokjin shot me a look, "When your acting all weird around Taehyung, it's hard not to."
"Weird?" I gave him a glare, "How is it weird?"
The tension in the air was enough for Taehyung to notice it. "Hyung," He mumbled, half asleep, "Don't get into a fight again."
Seokjin and I looked at Taehyung. "Again...?" Seokjin looked down, "Did he know about-"
"Yes." I gruffed, "We weren't exactly quiet about it. Of course he knows."
There was an awkward silence before Seokjin finally said: "Did you tell him?"
"Depends on your definition of 'tell'."
A frustrated scowl came to Seokjin's face. "Drop the smartassery. I want straight answers."
"And I want you to stay out of my business, but guess here we are." I rolled my eyes.
"Hyung, please," Taehyung mumbled sleepily, "You're gonna start another fight. Fights are bad."
I looked down at Taehyung, sighing. If he didn't want me to get into a fight at this hour, I wouldn't. I would never tell Seokjin or any of the other members, but I really did care about Taehyung- both his well being and his desires. So I'd let Taehyung do things the other members would never be allowed to do.
"For your information," I spoke calmly, "It's not us being weird, it's just us getting along. You're the ones who are acting like it's some big deal." I paused, then looked at Taehyung, stroking his hair again. "Go back to your room." I said in a comforting tone, "You look tired."
Taehyung got up, blanket wrapped snugly around his shoulders as he made his way to his room.
Seokjin gave me a look, but not the same angry scowl he had shown earlier. This time it was a look of complete bafflement. "Why do you do that?" He finally asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, "You were just about ready to start a fight with me, then Taehyung said something, then your all of a sudden calm. Why?"
"None of your business." I replied, a tone so flat it could easily be mistaken as emotionless, "Stay out of it."
For the rest of the day, Seokjin was weird. He constantly talked to Jungkook and seemed to be avoiding both me and Taehyung. It was just after 11pm. My phone chimed with a notification sound.

Weird Bitch: JK and SK are being strange
Weird Bitch: They never talked this much before????
Weird Bitch: I heard both of our names a few times
Weird Bitch: I think there talking about us
Weird Bitch: Im in my room but there our in the living room and i dont wanna leave the room bc id have to walk past them
Me: Geez, would it kill you to not space out your messages so much?
Me: And how long have they been talking? It's been hours since I've seen Seokjin...What do you think they're talking about? Like specifics
Weird Bitch: a. Yeah it would
Weird Bitch: b. Since 4 in the aftrenoon i think
Weird Bitch: 3. Prob about what happened this morning
Me: 1- try at least 2- Really?! That long? 3- Yeah, no doubt there. After you left Seokjin tried to get me to tell him why I just stopped and calmed down. 3 ½- You switched between using ABC to 123??
Weird Bitch: Yeah theyve been at it for a while
Weird Bitch: SK did? You tell him why? Knowing you you didny but still
Weird Bitch: In the most poliete way possible stfu
Me: Your spelling is crappy, does it get bad late at night? And I didnt tell him anything. If you want more details, balcony. This is more of that thing you don't say over text.
Weird Bitch: K, balcony in 5?
Me: Yeah, see you in 5 minutes

I tossed my phone aside and pulled on a hoodie. Debating for a second, I put a coat on over that. Why did Tae need 5 full minutes to get ready to go out on the balcony? I asked myself, I got ready in a solid 30 seconds.
I slid the glass door open and flopped into one of the chairs. Fenriz the zebra sat proudly on the mini fridge. Seokjin never really said anything about Fenriz, but I knew he found it weird. On the other hand, I loved Fenriz. The stupid stuffed zebra was probably one of my favorite things in this house. The night Taehyung had given it to me, he was smiling so brightly. Just thinking of his cheer filled laugh on that night warmed my heart. Even though the toy seems like nothing, it meant a lot to me. The fact that Taehyung stole it from Jungkook to give to me because he thought I'd like it just made the plushie more precious to me.
I got up and leaned on the railing, which was slightly damp from the rain earlier. A soft sigh escaped my lips, my own breath visible in the cold. Was I really being that noticeably different? I can't be, I thought, If anything he's the one acting different. I knew what I was telling myself wasn't true. I was acting different, and noticeably at that. If anyone tried to do half the stuff I let Taehyung do, they'd get a slap in the face. All the others knew I wasn't into skinship or anything that involved touching, yet here I was,letting Taehyung do things like cuddle against me as he slept.
I groaned out loud, holding my head in my hands. How come Taehyung could make me care about him so much in just a few weeks? We'd known each other for years, so why the sudden change now? Feeling conflicted, I sat back down. I didn't want to care about Taehyung as much as I did. Every time I cared about someone it went miserably.
"Yoongi" Minyun ran up to me. He was a close high school friend of mine- theatre and aspiring playscript writer, "How's things?"
"Not sober and stressed," I proudly proclaimed, patting my front coat pocket, "Wanna cig?"
"Hit me up, man."
We talked for hours about the future and life after high school. We'd made a plan: we'd be roommates in a cheap apartment in Daegu.
A year later, a little after graduation, I heard about Bangtan. I wanted to do it so badly, yet I didn't want to leave Minyun. Panicking, I did the most rational thing I could think of: audition without telling him.
I cared about Minyun more than anyone I had met before. If someone hurt him, I wouldn't hesitate to hurt them in return. We'd been through a lot together- two and half years of middle school and three years of high school. We had planned everything: Minyun would write plays, I'd do the soundtrack. And everything would work out...until I heard of BTS.
The night I told Minyun why I had fled to Seoul three times, he was irate. Granted, he was also drunk. That didn't stop him from trying to get physical with me. The next day when, when he sobered up, he still stood strongly by what he said when drunk- that I was a wannabe and how I was always thinking about myself. "You self centered, narcissistic prick," Minyun had told me, an anger in his voice, "We had everything lined up and you want to waste years of planning by running off and doing something impulsive. You'll never amount to it. Stop trying to defend yourself, we both know your a wannabe- a perfectionist at that. You're not cut out for Kpop life, so stop trying to live up silly, idealistic dreams."
That was the last thing he had told me before I fled to Seoul, the disappointment and anger in his eyes would leave scars.
I curled up and hugged my knees to my chest, remembering the night. Minyun's words still rang through my ears to this day. I didn't want to care about Taehyung, in fear that something simalier would happen between us. Falling in love scared me more than caring about him, though. The memories of the heartbreaks flooded my mind.
"You always blow me off for your stupid rap thing!" Naelyeon shouted in my face, "It's either me or your pathetic music! Choose!" And Naelyeon left me standing there.
"You don't even care- you- you-" Paeri was on the verge of tears, "Bitch! You don't even try- just- go away!" And Paeri left me standing there.
"I don't even love you..." Chisoo bit her lip, "Sorry...I've been...using you to forget about Changlee..I just...sorry...." And Chisoo left me standing there.
I stood, watching my girlfriend Shanmae passionately kissing Yeon Andrae. I ended things with her immediatly. "Like I care!" She spat in my face after the incident, "You aren't even a good boyfriend! It's a miracle anyone likes you, you cold bastard!" And even though she was the one at fault, she left me standing there.
The memories were painful, bringing tears to my eyes. I grabbed Fenriz the zebra from atop the mini fridge and buried my face into it. Just remembering the events felt like a sword impaling my chest. Tears streamed down my cheeks, yet I remained silent.
"Hyung?..." Taehyung stepped out onto his balcony. I could feel the heat of his eyes on me.
My words choked. I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I saw all the people inside of Taehyung- Minyun, Naelyeon, Paeri, Chisoo, Sangmae. I could hear the scars each person left me with: Won't make it, pathetic, bitch, unloved, not good enough.
"Yoongi-hyung..." His words were full of concerned and calming tones, but it didn't comfort me at all, "What's wrong? Tell me."