Bryttani.exe has Stopped Working

High school romance is both extraordinarily thrilling, and horribly atrocious all at once. It caused me to feel emotions that I didn't even really know were possible, and yet I felt them stronger than any other chemical that may have held my teenage mind captive at the time. My soul was a melting pot of anxiety, depression, solitude, and pure teenage angst. And yet that feeling of a million butterflies flitting about my abdomen caused me so much joy and relief that all the other horrible things I felt seemed to quite literally melt away. I have no more captivating of a memory, than that of August 25th; the day I decided to give love a chance and open my heart to a boy whom I felt an incredible attraction to. I had already told him how I felt (after he had confessed to me, of course), and I had given it a day to sink in, so as not to seem too audacious. Now, this next part I am not too proud of, if I am being completely honest, but me being the absolute pansy that I am, I did it anyways. I decided, against all the relationship codes and rules ever to be decided upon, that I was going to ask this boy out over TEXT. Yes, shameful and careless. I know. However, it seemed that was the only way anything would ever happen. Michael had already done his part by confessing how he felt, so it was up to me to take it a step further.

I contemplated how I was going to bring the topic up to him for much longer than was probably deemed necessary. My mind flooded with the millions of reasons that I shouldn't ask him, but with the support of a close mutual friend, I was able to persevere. I spent a good solid ten minutes typing and rewording my text before I finally hit send, and once I had mustered up the courage, I sat in anticipated agony as I waited for a response. As soon as he had responded saying that he thought we should go out, I was off the couch jumping about the living room like a crazed lunatic. But ohhhh, how sweet that moment was.

Thenceforth our lives, and hands, were constantly interconnected. We walked to and from our classes together, sat together at lunch, and started to text more than ever before. However, we were still both cemented to a spectrum of awkward that was darn near painful, but it was more than worth it. We had both come from such different backgrounds and life situations, and yet we understood each other so well. I had never before met a boy, or anyone really, who's thoughts were on the same spectrum as mine. So, although we had a hard time being romantic, it didn't matter. He was there for me, and he wanted to understand me and my hectic baggage filled background. He wanted to stay by my side through all the rough patches, and he wanted to talk to me even when I was having a deplorable day. He actually cared.

So, a bit more about this spectrum of awkward. Neither one of us had ever been in an official relationship before, or really thought about what being in a relationship means, so we were both shaky beyond belief (literally) about the typical cutesy aspects of romance. Holding hands was our first step towards romantic affections, and it took a lot of courage on both parts, as well as a lot of teasing from our mutual friends. Michael was rather unsteady about romantic inclinations, and I had grown up with an awful example of what a relationship should be like, so moving forward was a very tedious task, with a lot of bumps. My anxiety caused me to worry about the most insignificant things. Sending a text that seemed too clingy, holding his hand too long and seeming possessive, introducing him to my family, and having them scare him off. These are just a grain of sand in the ocean compared to how many things I let stress me out in the infancy of our relationship.

After a year and a half, we have managed to almost completely overcome these barriers that originally plagued us. Our relationship is nearly stress free, and so much fun. I love spending time with him more than anyone else I have ever met. I could waste hours with Michael, doing nothing but talking over the phone about anything and everything. I just never get bored of him. He is my constant, while everyone else just seems temporary. He provides me with a shoulder to cry on, a personality that works ridiculously well with mine, and a challenge to look forward to. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He has captured my heart in a way that I never expected, and he continues to surprise me every time I see him.

He introduces me to new hobbies, and makes foods for me that I have never tried before. For example, he got me into playing Magic the Gathering, Yugioh, and Dungeons and Dragons. We even have a mutual group of friends that we spend a lot of our time with. He also helped me learn to love cooking, which I had never had an interest in before. He really is everything that I'm not, and yet we are so in tune. I guess you could say he brings out the better in me. He makes me want to try challenging myself, and to question things more often. He adds a new spin to everything. LITERALLY everything. He loves to debate every topic he comes across, and it helps me to question my decisions before moving forward. He's my absolute favorite human being, and He brings me joy beyond measure. I love him in ways that I find hard to describe. It's a life changing emotion. Michael has brought me more happiness than I can ever really repay him for, and he continues to lighten up my life more than he knows. High school romance has turned into the love of an eternity, and I am forever grateful for that.