Midnight

1

It's funny, earth spins so quickly only for this life to lag and feel so slow. I could have started this off with something funny or sarcastic. But I think it'd be better to get the boring stuff out of the way, right?

How many thoughts go through the human brain in a day? Around 50,000-70,000 per day. How about an hour? Roughly 2,000-3,000. Or a minute? 33-50. All these numbers swarmed through my head, and I continued to let them. Overthinking was something I did, oddly enough without thinking about it. I was never one to track or count my thoughts but I seemed to be thinking quite a lot for it to be normal. If I continuously branched of one thought throughout the day would it still be considered one thought? sigh Here I go thinking about something as trivial as this at such an early hour. My eyes slowly opened, drawing in a long breath I turned to my side. The clock with bright blue numbers faced me, 3:27 a.m. I turned again to my back, what was the point of all this? I went to sleep to get rest, but here I am thinking about thinking! Am I crazy? I mean probably, but is it easy to tell?

At some point last night i managed to fall asleep, but not before I got a cold chill fill my room like a gas canister in the movies. It rose quickly and quietly trapping me in its icy grasp. This wasn't unusual though, I got the same chill quite often. By now I've lost count and haven't picked it back up. At first it felt suffocating, as if I had just been thrown into a pond that was frozen over but still thawed in the middle. Now, either I've gotten used to it or the chill has started to fade. I tried desperately to remember my dream, just like everyday it seems like my dream scares me awake, but I could never remember what it was about. I looked over at my phone and groaned- I was going to be late if I didn't get up now. I've stopped using my alarm, I seem to be jolted awake every morning anyways so there was no point in the blaring noise. Slowly I made my way to the bathroom, and half heartedly turned on the shower. I didn't wait for the water to get hot, slipping off my pajamas, i stepped in and embraced the cold, refreshing water falling around my face. Then the cold was replaced with a soothing hot stream, i was awake now.

I grabbed the nearest cloth and began washing my face, with my fingers i traced the outline then filled in the area with face wash. After that i stood there looking at my feet, you can imagine what i had been doing right? Thinking again... A few minutes had gone by when i finally realised there was no use in trying to think about what my dream could have been. I finished my shower quickly and picked up a towel to dry off. Slowly i walked back into my room, which at this point heated up a bit. I was thankful. At my desk i sat down and placed the mirror back up on its hooks, i took it down at night because the mirror faced my bed and it creeped me out to see me staring back at myself. Or worse when i didn't see myself at all. Once again i looked down at my phone, it lit up with a few notifications which were most likely snapchat streaks the time was 6:45. I began doing the routine i've had for a few months now: moisturiser, spot remover, some makeup and chapstick. The hard part was next: my hair. I had a full head of long, thick black curly hair. Every morning was a struggle just to figure out what to do with it, when i woke up it looked as if a whole flock of birds nested in it. Because i never did it right out of the shower, it slowly dried and retained the frizz. I wonder if Rapunzel had these problems? This morning i felt lazier than usual and just put it into a ponytail with a handful of product slicked into it. I got dressed in the same color that my closet was filled with, black. Though i should clarify that it's not just filled with black, there were shirts with stripes and various shades of dark grey, but if you're looking at the whole thing it'll look like a wall of black.

With that i looked at my phone once more, more so to send return streaks but also to go through various social medias and messages. Not to my surprise my feed was "Jenny Evers is engaged" "Brett Parker just got married" or "Catherine and Jackson Won just welcomed their third child" That's all there ever was, the other part of that was they were all near my age. Maybe a few in their mid twenties rather than just getting out of high school but still, the vast majority was around the ages 18-20. After graduation everyone seems to be getting engaged or pregnant within that year. I've always wondered why that was, i thought both tying the knot and having a kid was expensive yet everyone seems to be doing it at least once.

I stood up and slid my phone into my back pocket, every morning the same schedule, the same boring rhythm. The boring seemed slightly comforting, i didn't need to interesting.

"Are you leaving now Rowan?" my mom asked from the kitchen. The way she said my name felt warm,  but for some reason when others say it, it sounds like broken speech. Almost as if it pained them to say it. My full name Rowan Mara Holland, Mara means nightmare or sea. My middle name was from my grandfather on my dads side, he liked the sea but ironically always had nightmares of drowning in it. Which, by the way, is the perfect thing to call your granddaughter...

I nodded looking up from the fishtank in my living room, i hadn't noticed i'd been looking at it until a fish rammed into the glass. "Yeah, im leaving. Is Wiggy in?", Wiggy was our pomeranian who, as her name tells, wigs out a lot. For a moment i stared at my mom taking in her appearance. I just like looking at her. She wasn't very tall maybe 5'4 at the tallest, with shoulder length dark hair. My moms eyes held so much beauty, they were hazel. Not the solid color though, they had sparks of candy apple green and deep ocean blue in them too. As a child i enjoyed just looking at them, they were comforting yet exciting.

"I think shes playing in the yard right now, i'll let her in soon." she turned towards me with a smile, then it dropped. "No sleep again, huh?"

"Can you tell?" i looked back at my feet, "maybe i'm just studying a little too much. Im okay though, i feel fine." the truth is i've gotten used to not sleeping as much as i'd like. Staring up at the ceiling, not sleeping, was part of my routine. Of course around midday i started to feel the tired sensation creep through my body, but it was tolerable. My mother sighed and smiled slightly as she whispered something along the lines of "okay i love you" and "have a good day today".

Outside the air was crisp, it was warm with a slight breeze. It smelled fresh like a whole new world had started. A world full of life. Is it possible to drive in complete concentration to the road? For me, not in the slightest. All the people passing me, walking in the streets, talking to neighbours or friends, they all were in their own world. Their worlds consisted of them and their own thoughts, isnt that weird? People go through private pain and suspense but no one would ever know. I couldn't keep my attention to the road but somehow made it to school safely. I parked in my usual space and walked into my daily prison. I actually liked school. I enjoyed being able to take in new information. However, the thing i did not like was the people in the school. Remember when i said that people are in their own little worlds? Well the little world of the students who go to my school revolve around hatred. I go to a school called SilverLake, which despite the name, doesn't actually have a lake.