Bumped - Completed Novel

Bumped - Chapter Eleven

Eggshells. My nerves were just as fragile. The slightest misstep would send hairline fractures snaking their way across me. They would splinter off and travel around me like a roadmap...leading me to a nervous breakdown. My mouth was dry and itching. Darkness surrounded me. I had fallen asleep as soon as I came home and awoke to that dusky netherworld feeling. Was it morning? Was it night? Finally, after turning on the television and finding an episode of Extra, I realized that it was only 7:30. I ordered a pizza from Pizza Hut even though it was just a block away. It was hard to believe that it was just a few weeks ago when I was at the airport waiting for Diego. It was the before, when things still had the possibility of being normal.

At 2 a.m., I was still wide-awake. How long had it been since I had Diego's warmth radiating like an electric blanket? Enveloping me like my mother's kisses, letting me know all would be right with the world as long as I didn't stray too far. Felt like forever. I had rummaged through my hamper and found a t-shirt of his, still steeped in his scent. I wore it like a cloak of courage. I'd always been a night person and Diego was an early morning-got-to-be-the-first-person-at-the-gym-when-it-opens type. Some nights, after making love, after the double time of my heart had slowed to a lazier pace and his breathing became longer and more rhythmic, I would watch him sleep. Always on his stomach, his game face gone and in its place, a vulnerable boy, mouth slightly open. The low rumble of snore some nights were like a lullaby, others, I wanted to put a pillow over his face and hold it. My heart would feel so full of tenderness because I wanted that now to be our forever. A moment where we were as close as two people could be, take that moment and extend it so that we were always a part of one another. And now we were. Our baby. It didn't just roll off the tongue. It felt as real as saying I have four breasts. Would the baby have his smile? My eyes? His penchant for running at the first sign of trouble? Icy fear snaked its way into my thoughts. What if I couldn't protect him or her? I found out early on, no matter how much you loved your children, sometimes it just wasn't enough.

I also wasn't naïve enough to believe you could ever really know someone. Everyone had secrets. I had my own skeletons buried in designer shopping bags hidden way back in my closet. But if what they said was true about Diego, was I carrying the child of a complete stranger? How could I not see this coming? I worked around bullshit every day in the entertainment industry, where no one was what they seemed. Always. People inflated their accomplishments to match their egos like they were buying Tic Tacs. No big deal. How did I fall in love with a con artist? Wasn't I smarter than that? Wasn't he better than that?

I swung my legs over the side of the couch. The credit report that Wendy had given me, sat abandoned on the table. I wasn't in any rush to claim it after spending a mind-numbing hour going through it. My phone was on the table also. Still vibrating. Nothing from Diego. I didn't answer any of the calls. I wasn't validating the rumors or the truth. Let people think what they wanted until I had time to figure out what type of spin I was going to put on it. So much for the mantra I had always preached to my artists: get in front of a scandal. You have to control the story.

His earthquake had triggered a tsunami in my life. Sure, I'd quit a few jobs, but I always had something lined up. Life had always carried me along. I would stay somewhere until something better came along. Men. Apartments. Jobs. Things would just happen according to my plan; I never had to work too hard to make them happen. Now I was fired and considered a thief. An unwed, knocked-up, debt-ridden, unemployed thief to be exact. I could only imagine how that conversation would play out with my mother.

I shuffled into the kitchen and ate the last two slices of the supreme pizza. I had gas and I was belching like a sailor. I really did need this time alone. I looked at my credit report again. It was trifling, just like Blake said and for a moment I hated him for saying that but even more so, for selling this place. Just one more thing I had to worry about. I had my VIP access revoked from the club of the working poor before I even knew I was a member.