Often I kneel down and pray to god when I pray I ask him, "why must you take everyone from me?" This past year and even this year almost all of my family has died and it makes me sad because the people who keep dying are the people I care about the most. I hate death and I hate God why can't people just live forever? Why do people have to die? Why do the only people who actually give a shit about how I feel keep dying?! Is it because I'm a failure? Or maybe because I'm so fucking sad all the time? They have so many questions I can ask and so many answers I don't have. My mind is always running with the thought of suicide and now here I am ready to go. Just get me out my mind. The biggest concern on my mind today has been about my ex girlfriend.
Ok so me and this girl named Cherry started dating, we had a wonderful time and she even helped to get rid of some of my depressing feelings. We dated for a week and a half and then she broke up with me. All I can think about now that's it's over is that I must have done something wrong because she broke up with me saying we could still be friends and then she completely erased me from her life, not even friends anymore. Now all I am to her is air, I don't even exist to her. I treated her the best I've ever treated anyone I respected her, made her nicknames, kept her happy, made her laugh, blush, feel flattered. I did everything I thought a boyfriend should do and she left me. The worst part is she left me and lied to me when she said she wanted to break up. It broke me all over again... I new I shouldn't have restored faith in my life but I couldn't help it. She helped me get my life together and she helped me to put myself back together and then, BAM , I'm broken all over again. I want to stay single and to stay away from dating but I also want to be loved by someone... I want someone I can count on no matter what...i just want to be happy. That is all I ask, i just want to be loved by someone and be happy again but I'm such a failure at everything I even fuck that up. Well I'm gonna go now... I gotta do something. Live well and live happy, don't let depression set in constantly fight it no matter what. Good night guys.
The End
