Rammvier Against One

Chapter 12: Perspective

PAUL'S POV

It has been over a week since we last heard about Till. Flake is worried sick. He keeps lashing out on all of us. Let me remind you, this is Flake. Flake rarely shows his emotions. He barely smiles! The damn guy is as stale as it gets! Oliver seems to be his usual self. Richard keeps making imaginary threats to a not present Till. I'm trying. I really am. It gets harder each day though. I just want the best for everyone but it seems as if life does not want the best for me. There is nothing I can do to better this situation. For now, I'll just try keeping the band together without losing it myself.

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FLAKE'S POV

This past week has been killing me. I know Till is alive. It's just frustrating because none of us can see him. I call Christoph every now and then to check up on Till. It is very annoying because he says he's trying, but Till is still not agreeing. He does not want to come back. I am sick of this dumb crap Till is pulling on us, his friends. I think I'm going to go see him myself. I can't handle this type of pain anymore. I miss my friend.

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RICHARD'S POV

I'm angry. I really am. Till is being a total jerk. He hasn't been considerate of how we feel for the past...what I don't know...few months maybe?! I love Till to death, but sometimes I wish death upon him. He's extremely irresponsible and lacks the knowledge that people care about him. I understand he's insecure, but that doesn't deny the fact that we care. I wanted to go over to Schneid's house and give him a piece of my mind but Paul always stops me. It's impossible to be violent in front of Paul. He's so small and happy all of the time. I hate that though. I want to go yell at Till, but I can't. I have to just keep this scheiß within. It bothers me so much. I'm looking forward to seeing him and yelling at him.

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CHRISTOPH'S POV

It's frustrating when you try to convince your friend to go back and resolve things. Till refuses no matter what. He calls himself a burden, a useless person, und so weiter. I care for Till, but this has gone long enough. He has to go back to them. They need him in their lives.

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OLIVER'S POV

I normally don't show if I'm hurt or focus too much on my emotions. I want everyone to remain calm in times like these. Being the person to follow, though, is quite tiresome. I'm constantly stuck in this situation where I have no choice but to remain silent. We are all suffering, but I have to keep my friends' emotions afloat.

I want to approach Till and bring him back and have things return to the way they once were. Till should come to us, though-not the other way around. Don't get me wrong, of course I miss him. I miss him greatly...but there isn't anything we can do to better the situation. He needs time to reflect on what he has done. From the years I have known him, he doesn't think highly of himself. He constantly insults himself. I'm sure now he thinks he's a horrible person after everything that has happened. Personally, I don't think he is a bad person. Sure, he does many questionable things, but don't we all? We have Frau Schneider, coconut hair Paul, Flake being "bottom," and Richard with questionable hair (not throwing shade at any particular tour time period.) I want Till to understand that. He isn't the only one who does stupid and thoughtless things. When he comes back, I'll be sure to tell him. I hope he's okay and happy.

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TILL'S POV

I left the hospital without notice. I knew they were going to be mad at me for that. I can't go back to them now. I know they'll make me feel worse about that. I'm just grateful that  Schneider allowed me to remain at his house until I choose to leave. He has been kind and generous to me these past few days. I'm thankful for that. However, every now and then, he does try to convince me to talk to Flake. I love my skinny keyboardist, but he does not need me in his life again. Well, not at the moment. Flake shouldn't be around me after what I did to unintentionally hurt him.  I know we will be reunited again someday, but now is not the day.

I don't want to doubt ny friend's ability to keep a promise, but I keep hearing Schneider go to his room secretly and call someone. I want to trust that he hasn't told them about where I am, but how can I? He acts very suspicious at times. I think it's time I run away once more. Maybe this time for good. I don't want to hurt them, but I'm not ready to see them again. Not any time soon. I'll leave in the morning then. I hope no one notices that I'm gone too soon. I could be in danger once again if I'm caught too early on. I have to be smarter about this.

For now, all I can say is I'm sorry. I keep acting impulsively, but it's not for my benefit. Maybe if I run off for good, they will stop caring and give up on me finally. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given up on me. My dad found it easy to let me be. Why can't my friends follow in on that example? It would make my life easier that's for sure.

Flake, I'm sorry. I know you will be mad at Scheids and me when you find out, but please understand I'm only doing this because I love you. I don't want you sad over me anymore.

Maybe it's time I...

...

We'll see...only time will tell...

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Originally written: May 3, 2018