It’s been what 4 years? I will never forget the day I found out you were gone. I was 11 years old almost 12. My birthday was 3 days away. As usual I was in Oregon. That was the summer I really got involved in church, we were having our annual barbeque, but instead of having it at the different park we were having it at our brand new church. I was so excited! I was singed up for face painting and concessions. Paula and I were painting a little girls face to look like a tiger when tio Edgar called my name. I thought I was in trouble, he always scared me a little, but when I turned around and saw his red eyes I knew he had been crying, but why? I knew whatever it was it was bad because tio Edgar never cried, he always looked at the bright side and I mean always. To say I was scared would be an understatement I was petrified, He led me down the unfamiliar halls until we reached a room with the words ‘Little Ones’ on the door. As he opened the door my eyes did a quick scan, everyone was there, Grandpa, TiaFlor, Tony, and Even Paula had somehow beaten us here. The only One missing was my grandma, at least that what I thought until I saw the tub, there lying in a tub of ice looking as lifeless as could be was my grandma. I ran to tia flor and she quickly wrapped me into a tight embrace tears were spilling out of my eyes, I didn’t know a person could cry that hard, Flor pulled back a little and tried to wipe away some of my tears but new ones would quickly replace them. I asked her what happened, and she quickly reassured me Grandma was going to be okay. I let out a huge sigh of relief and looked at her face for the first time since I walked in here, I noticed how puffy and red her eyes were, I looked around at everyone’s faces and noticed that everyone’s eyes matched Tia flor’s now I know I was 11 but you and I both know not a lot slipped by me. I got that from you. They wouldn’t all look the way they did just because my grandma fainted. I looked back at tia flor and told her to tell me what was really wrong. She took a deep breath and told me. I swear she said it in slow motion “Tito Pepe is gone mija.” I felt that someone had grabbed my heart and ripped it out. Just like that everything shut down. I collapsed next to the tub and just sat there. Tia flor kept saying something but I couldn’t hear her. It was silent. Everything was completely silent. You know when it’s so quiet you hear that never ending ring in your ears. That’s all I heard. Eventually everyone decided I just need time alone. My shirt was soaked my face red and hot, my eyes bloodshot. And I just sat there and cried. It felt like days went buy, I guess just hours. It’s not fair I had just reconnected with you the summer before, I had spent everyday right by your side because you were the only one I felt comfortable with. When we went to visit touristy places I wouldn’t get out of the car unless you did. I’m not sure why Tito but you were my little bit of home. And then boom you were gone. And never coming back, Tita went into sever depression, she would only talk to me and grandma, you know I wasn’t allowed to go to your funeral. Grandma didn’t want me to see you like that, she said it would make it too real for me to handle. To this day I still haven’t let go. Every year on July 9th I completely shut down. I don’t eat I don’t sleep I don’t talk, I cry all day long. Could be the happiest I have ever been on the 8th but when I wake up its just darkness. I feel empty, completely empty. I think last year was the hardest, having my quince without you was bad but I know you were there I saw your star. Shine bright for me Tito.
~nina
