The Invitation

When it arrived to my residence, I immediately feel the sorest pain igniting every piece of my body, as I truly discover the sender of the wedding invitation. I feel utterly weak and sick; I can no longer sustain my body as I end up falling to the wooden stage. My fingertips are wobbly while barely holding the edge of the invitation, and my tongue is numb while reading the words slowly, painfully, one by one. And as the clock ticks and my chest feels hotter with each of its invisible punch, tears helplessly escape from my eyes, wetting both of my reddened cheeks.

That maroon gold, luxurious looking invitation was sent to invite me to the marriage of someone whom I thought I was going to marry with. He once meant the world to me, I was once meant the world to him; he was my whole world, he was my light, he was the love of my life. That explains why when it was sent to me, I truly feel my whole world falls apart to the endless hole of darkness.

I can no longer breathe as I cry out in a broken heart helplessly; I don't even care at all later when the neighbors finally discover a grown-up woman crying in front of her own house. I don't think I have ever felt this painful before, especially when we were still together.

But I deserve this. It was my entire fault, all because of my selfishness. It is my fault for not holding on longer. But was I wrong if it is because I don't want to make it hard for him to let me go? It is my fault for not being strong. But was I wrong if it is because I want him to be stronger? It is my fault for giving up too early. But was I wrong if leaving him was done just to make him find anyone better than me? I guess, it is only my fault for being such a coward who did not want to face the bitter reality.

The blames are all on me, not him. All of these are my entire fault, not his. I was too selfless that I only thought about his feelings, not mine. I deceive my own eyes in the image of the invulnerable me, when it is totally the opposite. Whoever's fault those were all, the sufferings are all now on my shoulder. If only I haven't done that at first, all of these would not be as devastating. I left him broken once, and now he is wrecking me even worse.

.

.

.

One year ago

I waited alone in this luxurious restaurant in which I would never be able to afford alone to eat here. Everyone around me looked so classy and all with their expensive clothes and designer-made purses enameled with glossy precious stones, while I looked so dull with my clothes from work; I never cared about my appearances anyway. The gold colored chandelier hanged at the center of the room elegantly, lighted the whole room with its calming shine, made the room even warmer with its cream-colored wallpaper cloaked the entire wall.

Although the restaurant was nice, I did not care about my surroundings at the moment, all I cared was today was the day. I sighed heavily, thinking about it all again. I had decided that it was the best thing I could do for the sake of both of us. But I had this doubt since the first time I had fully decided it personally: would I have the power and the courage to do this? I never knew until I overcame it, but it felt so hard already while thinking of it. Thus when from the entrance I already saw him coming through, I immediately became uneasy, a lot more than before. But no matter what, I had to get through this because this was for us, for our happiness.